Bent Words

Bent Words

November 04, 2010

To say the least, the last two weeks have been rather interesting.

Last week started out alright but lost promise quickly when I was pulled over Tuesday night. It could have been worse -- I could have been ticketed.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"Honestly... No."

"You didn't stop at that last stop sign at all. You merely slowed down as you rolled right through."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Are you in a hurry?"

"Um, no," I stammered stupidly, "but I am rather hungry. I know that's no reason to have blown the sign, I know, I just drive this way home every day and--"

"When was your last offense?"

"My last offense was... well it was my first offense, too. I think it was two years ago. In Palmyra. For speeding. Could be three years now."

"And how old are you?"


"You've only ever had one ticket..."

She took the license I had been holding out the entire time to verify my information. When she came back, moments later, she told me she wasn't going to give me a ticket -- just a verbal warning. Before she pardoned me, she asked where it was I received my ticket.

"Ya know where the speed limit goes from 25 to 40 to 55 MPH as you're leaving town?"

"Christ! I've been pulled over there!" she laughed. "Drive safely and have a good evening."



On Wednesday, Cory was off so it was just me and the Boss Man. It was a day where the Boss Man had the Midas Touch. In a sort of opposite way. The sort of opposite that makes you wish you had the Flu because that would have been way better than existing in society on that particular day.

First, he sold the wrong rack extensions for an ATV. The ATV was supposed to be picked up before the end of the day.

Then, he sold a crap-tas-tic winch (because they were ON SALE and SUCH a great deal!) to the same unit which was so lame that the mounting hardware wouldn't bolt up to it.

So, he re-orders the "correct" rack extensions for a discount so that the customer doesn't flip out completely, gets lost on his way to another store in Muskego ("take a right out of the store and turn right onto Highway Y" compromising the difficulty) to get a new winch and mount and somehow neglects to arrange any time for me to take any kind of lunch break at all whatsoever.

Really it was just too funny watching him self-destruct as he did. Too bad he was experiencing low brain reception that day or he might have actually learned something.


Thursday the Boss Man was sick. In lieu of this, I brought him soup from my sparsely accommodated kitchen and stayed three and a half hours beyond my designated half day.

On Friday morning, the Boss Man called in sick.

This would not have been a big deal if it weren't for the fact that the General Manager wouldn't have it. He somehow guilted the Boss Man to come in and come in he did....

Smelling a lot like booze.

Our booze hound boss likes his liquor but apparently his sweat glands do not. They seem to work overtime to expel all traces of alcohol. Makes it difficult to miss when standing within a ten-foot radius of the guy.

So we're at the counter, by ourselves as Cory is out to lunch, and I look at Boss Man and ask him straight up,

"Dude. You smell like booze. Were you out drinking last night?"

"Noooo! I went home, made myself some soup and went to bed."


Turns out that an ex-employee called a current employee that day to herald Boss Man's ability to keep drinking beyond bar time on a school night. Turns out that that current employee's good buddy owns the bar that they abused the night before. Turns out Boss Man really was sick.

Not to mention stupid.

So I was pretty pissed off. Not that the guy missed three hours of day on Friday or that he was hungover (although it IS a standing code at the shop that you CANNOT call in sick if you're hungover). Not that we had seventeen boxes of BRP inventory to complete before Monday. I was pissed because he lied to me.

But he apologized, bought me a rice krispie and crack treat from the gas station and lent me $100 since then so we're square.


On Saturday, the GM threatened to make us stay until 10pm every night this week if we weren't done with inventory by the end of the day. The owner, however, said we were making great progress and would likely be finished by Friday (meaning tomorrow).

I had a problem with this.

I stormed into the GM's office, told him exactly what the owner had said and waited for my limbs to stop shaking.

"Yeah, see, there's a problem with that. We're going to need have to this done by the end of the day today. Your boss and I talked about it and you guys will just have to stay late next week if it's not done."

"That won't happen."

"Well, maybe we should all sit down and discuss this."

"Maybe we should have all sat down and discussed this weeks ago because it's just me and Cory doing the inventory, Dan -- not you, not the Boss Man -- just us. So unless you're paying us overtime, there's no way we're staying late."

(which makes me wonder if there's some illegal activity going on there...)

Naturally, nothing was resolved. But it sure felt good to blow off some steam.

Then, I left early for my Momma's birthday celebration.

Grocery store to purchase flowers, cup cakes, new cat litter and conditioner.

Leave the store with flowers, not enough cup cakes to go around, the same crappy cat litter I had just purchased two days earlier and shampoo.

I swear it's the Chantix...

Whatever. Last week sucked but, it could have been worse.


Hip Hop Hooray for me -- cigarette count has totaled two in fourteen days!

Yes, I know. I'm AMAZING!

Just ask me.


Written at 7:19 p.m.