January 18, 2025
I sent the Big Kid to school after having kept her home on Thursday. She seemed fine. Picking on her siblings, giggling, eating hot Cheetos.Of course I get a phone call at 3:30pm from the doc stating that she tested positive for mono and strep. I would have known this sooner however I no longer have access to her MyChart since she’s 12. Pretty sure she’s not old enough to drive to get her meds so she’s not old enough for her records to be kept from me but HEY! What do I know!?
Drive to the Quad pharmacy quick to pick up the meds but the doc prescribed pills the size of my pinky finger and that girl WILL NOT swallow pills ever since I tried to force one down her throat like one would a dog when she was 7. I can still see the look of terror on her face and this is not a struggle I’m prepared to deal with for 10 days straight.
“Ummm. Ha ha. Sorry. She won’t take pills. Can this be melted into liquid or something?” I ask sheepishly.
They wanted to roll their eyes but kindly declined and since I’m a damned regular patron to this establishment on 8 medications myself, they make the adjustment.
The doc comes by to check on me and tells me the Big Kid cannot be in gym or karate for 4 freakin’ weeks because her spleen might rupture and I tell him I’m not afraid of that but that I’m afraid I’ll accidentally KILL HER while trying to force the HORSE PILLS down her throat that he intitially prescribed so he said he’d make a note for next time and make sure she gets the liquid.
“You should really work with her on that though… blah blah blah… mini M&Ms… blah blah blah” he instructs.
Right. You come on over and have a little chit-chat-a-roo with my nearly teenaged, highly hormonal daughter about swallowing pills and we’ll see how that goes.
This causes me to miss my normal Burn camp time so I come home, resolve to skip camp and open a beer. I hear someone yell at someone else while I’m perusing my emails and decide to go to the late night camp. The Friday night 5:30pm camp is the lightest camp but I see Kate is running the show so I go because I love Kate and I get to do Hex Presses.
One of my regular questions to everyone, anywhere I go is, “Wanna feel my guns?” Yes, is the answer. Yes you do. And here they are.
Camp slayed, I come home and need protein STAT. I do not feel like cooking since it’s late so I grab a Costco thing from the freezer that’s high in protein but healthy looking. As I pass by the Big Kiddo who is seated with her father and little brother on the futon playing video games, I ask her how she’s feeling and if she would like something to eat.
“No,” she replies.
“Okay,” I say. “I could make some crispy chicken if you want.”
“I think we’ll all take that. And some fries or other freezer items you can throw together,” says K-Dog.
I just stare.
Are you FUCKING kidding me right now?
Get off your ass, put the controller down and do it your damn self. It’s not about how long it takes or what is or what is not involved but the nonchalance of how you said it, without even LOOKING at me.
Wife. Cooks. Cleans. Cares for children.
Fuck you and don’t ask me again why *we* don’t.
***
The MIL is taking all three kids for two nights. We were thinking about drinks at the Ash, dinner across the street at the Traviessio which is inside The Clarke Hotel and breaky at Dave's in the morning. Like we did 13 years ago.
"Is that what you wanna do?" He keeps asking.
"Yeah, sure," I say.
Last night he wanted to know if I'd be interested in bingo at Bilda's.
"Uhhh, sure?"
"It'd be cheaper, anyway."
Bingo is a great 2-3 hour get away from the kids when the oldest is babysitting but THIS is what you're suggesting in lieu of an overnight adventure??
It just keeps getting better and I Just keep getting more and more turned on. Not thinking this is very sustainable at all.