Bent Words

Bent Words

February 13, 2020

It is not that you couldn't -- it's that you wouldn't.

In all that space between the moment we locked eyes
And your second to last goodbye
You could have taken the chance but you gave up, you let go, you walked away
More often than I probably realized

I've spent half of my life with you on my mind.

So you'd think I would know which road to choose but it's a quarter past 2am and I'm still standing here, staring at the epitome of impossible, swerving in and out of my lane. I don't know what to do so please just point me in the right direction.

Should I sit down and wonder? Should I lay down and be quiet? Should I get up and fucking dance? Should I start walking? Driving, racing, holding nothing back?

I look down at my little Mister, sleeping softly in the dark. I have to give him everything. I can't give up his happiness for my own. I've already had mine. It's in the pre-fire pictures of moto bikes and shit-eating grins. It's on my VFR or racing cars with the Acura. It's running amok on the hill at Road America and staying up too late the night before a track day at Blackhawk Farms.

It's in the early morning sun rise where, with one photo, I caught the mood and captured your heart. Waking to the sound of 2-strokes smoking, scooters buzzing by like mosquitos full of race gas, the smell of breakfast on a nearby grill. Jumping up and down near the finish line, a bitchin' wheelie to finish, a beer to finalize the day. I had my Life on Two Wheels.

My smile could be seen everywhere, around every corner, through every trial. "How are you doing today?" to every customer at the shop. If you needed help, I pushed in bikes and ATVs. I'd clean anything you asked me to, test ride anything you needed me to and run anywhere you asked me to. "Just point me in the right direction."

It was there at the lake on a hot summer day. I'd take the back roads so a 45-minute venture turned into 3 hours on the loose. Paint the house; I was happy to. Stack the wood; gladly. Run to the store, help put out the pier, mow the lawn and wash the windows. Happy to help.

Let's get lost; no questions asked. LET'S GO. I'm twisted and turned around in Chicago. Walking through Hemmingway's Paris. Crossing the bridges of Amsterdam. Fighting the heat in Texas, climbing high up the Con Edison building in New York, fighting the lack of sleep in Vegas. Wherever you wanted me to go, I would have gone. Wherever you would be, I'd gladly follow.

Just point me in the right direction.

We could have figured it out, we could have done just about anything, we could have gone just about anywhere.

But you can't go back.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqiH0ZSkM9I

Tried to keep you close to me
But life got in between
Tried to square not being there
But think that I should have been

Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes
Hold back the river, so I
Can stop for a minute and see where you hide
Hold back the river, hold back

Once upon a different life
We rode our bikes into the sky
But now we call against the tide
Those distant days are flashing by

Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes
Hold back the river, so I
Can stop for a minute and be by your side
Hold back the river, hold back

Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes
Hold back the river, so I
Can stop for a minute and see where you hide
Hold back the river, hold back

Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander
Let us hold each other
Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander
Let us hold each other

Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes
Hold back the river, so I
Can stop for a minute and be by your side
Hold back the river, hold back
Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes
Hold back the river, so I
Can stop for a minute and be by your side
Hold back the river, hold

Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander
Let us hold each other
Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander
Let us hold each other

Written at 10:49 a.m.