Bent Words

Bent Words

August 12, 2020

I apparently needed a good cry today. Lack of sleep always affects me pretty hard so I wish I were more prepared when the emotion hits but MAN, it hit hard today. I don’t know what the exact physical change in me is but I can feel it – like my blood pressure is rising and my sanity is ebbing.

Daycare shut down on Monday because of a confirmed case of COVID in the Middle Kid’s room. So she’s out for a long time. She is a bit sniffly herself and with a ‘tummy ache’ but other than that, she’s good to go. I called up her pediatrician (who was out on vacation until today) to see if I really needed to do anything. His nurse asked me, “Well don’t you just want to know?”

Uhhh, not really. You can’t do anything for it. You can tell me to keep her home but we are keeping her home. We are MAROONED here, lost to the world save for the few precious moments we crawl out to pick up kids or food. Other than the fact that she was around my ‘rents the day before, I’m not real worried. I know what sick looks like and she is not. If she infected my parental units then it’s their fault for letting us into their domain. You know the risk and you ran it. But if it makes them feel better, I will do it. So, whatever, I told the nurse to sign her up for a test and so we are going to get the little shit kabob tested.

“Did you get her tested yet?” my mother asked.

“No, Mom.”

“Well according to Wisconsin law—”

Shhhh. There is no law. There is a CDC or DOH recommendation to quarantine but there is no law telling me to go get her tested or to quarantine or to wear a mask. At least I don’t think there is. And if there is, I’m breaking it tomorrow by bringing her out to get tested. Little shit could use a poker stuck up her nose. It will round her out.

Just a lot was going on today. All the people that live in my house were in my bed last night. I couldn’t escape or sleep or throat punch them all. I scheduled a COVID test on my cell phone with my pediatrician while participating in a Meredith Mapping meeting on Microsoft Teams while nursing a baby and approving data samples that “just couldn’t wait.” During this time, approximately one hour, Middle Child took out every marker we’ve ever owned and took off all the caps and placed them all throughout the house to try to trip me in all our high traffic zones. She’s deliberate – hence the nose poker tomorrow afternoon.

Mostly I’m just sad. A little overwhelmed, a little worried about what the rest of the year is going to be and I’m not sure if the new meds on top of the old meds are making much of a difference in all that. I AM, however, doing the best I can to be active so there’s that. Just wish it were better. Wish I had more answers. Wish I didn’t have to convince people there is a problem. Wish I didn’t have to answer to people like I’m a teenager again. Wish I had a little bit more of the “I know what’s going on” and a little bit less of the “I have no idea what needs to happen next.” Wish there were less yelling in this house.

Crying, clicking and clacking all these words and bit of distance made me feel a bit better though so there’s that.

[thank you]

Written at 7:03 p.m.