December 02, 2008
He was not the last person I expected to see but I must admit I was surprised. I was happy to see him, finally, after some two weeks and change..."So what's going on? Why haven't you called or dropped by?" I asked.
"Been busy."
"I guess so."
"Besides, I don't know if we should do this anymore."
"What do you mean? Us? Why not?"
"'Cause you just wanna get married and all that jazz..."
I stared at him.
Really? Seriously?
Married to WHO, exactly? To YOU -- the suave guy who strolled into the shop without a single concern on his shoulders beyond tires and a couple filters? You mean the guy who just walked in, just now, and poked around as though he owned the place yet barely had the balls to even look me in the face or say one kind fucking word to me? The guy who just a moment ago took the time to say "What's up?" to my co-workers but never ONCE asked ME how I was doing? THAT guy?? I hope you didn't mean that guy.
I sincerely cannot imagine you were referring to the guy whom I haven't seen in two weeks and who hasn't returned a single one of my phone calls in twelve days. You can't mean him. Not the guy who couldn't break it down to me somewhere other than where I fucking work, not him.
You're not seriously talking about Mr. Hit and Run, The Great Disappearing Wonder, Sir Now You See Me Now You Don't.
You can't be talking about the guy who once laid next to me, his arms wrapped 'round me and whispered gently, "please be patient with me" and than lost all patience the moment the coals got hot, right? You can't mean him because that guy bolted emotionally and, if I recall correctly, as an added precaution, he built an impenetrable wall around him to ensure that no evil-intentioned souls, such as myself, should ever infiltrate his guarded cynicism. He gave up a long time ago and chalked it all up to a 'waste of time,' a mere 'mistake,' a bad fucking move. So, no, you can't mean him.
Had you been alluding to that man who once wrote "I love you" three times because once wasn't enough, the guy who proposed an idea just to make me smile, the man who wanted to know what was hidden in my heart, the one who waited just to hear what I had to say or listened when he didn't understand just to watch me speak, the guy who turned up the heat on a cold day, the man who made sure I was bundled against the cold, the guy who wanted me to cuddle him despite my resistance, the man who spoke about our future in direct defiance of MY fear -- had you been referring to him in the same sentence as marriage, perhaps I would not have found the statement so entirely ridiculous.
"He acted like he didn't even know you, Laura -- is there something up?"
Nah, it just is what it is, right?