Bent Words

Bent Words

April 04, 2007

Good Morning and, Welcome Snow! You Bastard…

That’s the way it works around here. Yesterday I was sweltering in class and today I could barely remove myself from bed long enough to turn off the fan blowing snow in my kitchen window. My cats once again giving me that look of “what the hell were you thinking, woman?”

But this is a rather strange state and, for that matter, a rather strange town.

Driving to work each day I pass the cemetery by the DMV which advertises “15% OFF Select Gravesites! Hurry, Sales Ends Soon!”

A few things wrong with this advertisement (besides the fact that it exists)… One should never use exclamation points when offering discount prices to folks with dead relatives. Seems a little disrespectful. I’m also not sure that one would want a discounted gravesite. I mean, what’s the reason behind it? Are these particular gravesites located in the back of the graveyard where a Pet Cemetery once belonged?

I understand that one can arrange a plot ahead of time but who really wants to be spurred on by a discount death? Isn’t that just a tad bit morbid? I’m all for a bargain here, folks, but some things in life just shouldn’t be sale-priced.


There are two men with matching and expensive suits who roam the streets of this unique town exclusively on bicycles. I used to see them nearly everyday while working at the shop’s old location. They stopped by the shop once, after hours while we were sitting outside downing a case of Miller Light, to pass on the holy missive of God.

I recall having hid my beer behind my back, slowly extinguishing my cigarette and folding my hands neatly in my lap. How dare they make me feel guilty after a nine-hour workday?

From then on, I had the distinct urge to toss a tree branch into the spokes of their bikes whenever I saw them. Malicious, perhaps, but they do wear helmets… Funny little bicycle helmets which nicely match their suit and ties.

Such professional-looking messengers of God are surely guaranteed a spot in heaven, anyway.

I’m sure they won’t be out today. It’s too darned (heh) cold and these little white flakes keep flitting through the air, reminding us that it’s, ha HA! Wisconsin. And anything goes…

Written at 9:48 a.m.