April 04, 2007
Good Morning and, Welcome Snow! You Bastard�That�s the way it works around here. Yesterday I was sweltering in class and today I could barely remove myself from bed long enough to turn off the fan blowing snow in my kitchen window. My cats once again giving me that look of �what the hell were you thinking, woman?�
But this is a rather strange state and, for that matter, a rather strange town.
Driving to work each day I pass the cemetery by the DMV which advertises �15% OFF Select Gravesites! Hurry, Sales Ends Soon!�
A few things wrong with this advertisement (besides the fact that it exists)� One should never use exclamation points when offering discount prices to folks with dead relatives. Seems a little disrespectful. I�m also not sure that one would want a discounted gravesite. I mean, what�s the reason behind it? Are these particular gravesites located in the back of the graveyard where a Pet Cemetery once belonged?
I understand that one can arrange a plot ahead of time but who really wants to be spurred on by a discount death? Isn�t that just a tad bit morbid? I�m all for a bargain here, folks, but some things in life just shouldn�t be sale-priced.
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There are two men with matching and expensive suits who roam the streets of this unique town exclusively on bicycles. I used to see them nearly everyday while working at the shop�s old location. They stopped by the shop once, after hours while we were sitting outside downing a case of Miller Light, to pass on the holy missive of God.
I recall having hid my beer behind my back, slowly extinguishing my cigarette and folding my hands neatly in my lap. How dare they make me feel guilty after a nine-hour workday?
From then on, I had the distinct urge to toss a tree branch into the spokes of their bikes whenever I saw them. Malicious, perhaps, but they do wear helmets� Funny little bicycle helmets which nicely match their suit and ties.
Such professional-looking messengers of God are surely guaranteed a spot in heaven, anyway.
I�m sure they won�t be out today. It�s too darned (heh) cold and these little white flakes keep flitting through the air, reminding us that it�s, ha HA! Wisconsin. And anything goes�