Bent Words

Bent Words

April 03, 2007

In an attempt to lighten these past few pages… (which a little useless information)

Had a moment at the street corner on campus today. After class, and after trying to change my body positioning during class in a fruitless attempt to stave off my tummy growls, I walked my usual route to the street corner and stood aloof while two or three other people consciously crossed the street. I had to wait through yet another “Don’t F’ing Cross Yet, Stupid” light. I was surrounded by students.

As I shifted my backpack on my left shoulder, I heard a noise from behind me which sounded very much like a bad case of gas (I refrain from using the ‘f’ word). But my eyes widened when I realized it was actually coming from me(!).

Only it wasn’t me. It was my backpack. More precisely, it was the hard plastic lining inside of backpack which, when the bag is shifted, makes an awful PHRRRRFFFFT (!) sound. I tested this out several times on the way back to my car by swinging my bag back and forth on my shoulder only to realize that I was making this less-then-confidence-inspiring noise in the wake of many, many (many) others.

Once again I was foiled by that whole ‘thinking’ gig.

When I returned to my apartment, I noticed that I had (earlier) shifted a few items in my bag which only encouraged the f*rting noise. I had two books cramping the hard, plastic liner of my bag.

“Is that what the body is like when it comes to real gas?” I wondered.

It always seems to be something. Be it toothpaste on my shirt, poppy seeds in my teeth, tummy growls during the only five seconds the class is silent or fake gas, I’m always making a fool of myself.

Let’s just hope I’m the only one who notices.

Written at 5:27 p.m.