September 13, 2004
She was not even there - I had not given her any information of the evening's events and yet she somehow seemed to simply know.She said, "First off, what are you doing to yourself! You've got to drop alot of the bad stuff or it will eat you alive! I know where-of I speak, the booze will only get you into trouble and make life harder for you to handle! Just cut all ties and start to concentrate on the good stuff in your life! You have alot going for you if you'd just treat yourself with more kindness and respect! Make a resolution!"
How could I have thought that Saturday night would/could be okay? With all the things encompassing my mind, I should have resisted the temptation. I felt the little 'self-destruct mode' bubble inside of me, I knew Dan would be there and, of course, he told me that LCP is HIRING a new Finance Manager. What anxious tones stood between me and the firm resolve of just letting shit go! $80.00 spent on booze and who the HECK ordered all of those shots?? After the breakroom rendezvous, I remember so little. And when he said people felt SORRY for him because he had to 'deal' with ME...
Yes, I believe a resolution, or two, is in order. I'll not apologize further to anyone of the night but myself. Nothing was broken, at least, save for my heart and my pride! These I shall mend. There is no room for such defeat nor senseless acts of self-pity - what is lost, is lost - but there is so much beauty to be gained!