August 06, 2004
I sought the actions that speak so much louder than words, I looked beyond the surface and found the meaning wrapped so deep inside. A quick fix of hope would not suffice and so I, with a determined soul, found motivation in empathy and in the purest touch. I allowed my feet to fall into his footsteps, my heart to reach closer to his knowledge, my energy to spill into him and everything he knew - and yet it never touched the surface of his pain. For he would never grant such recourse. No one dare secure that fervent ambition of his pride, no one dare take a deeper look inside.I bypassed all the "I'll get bys," and the "I'll be fines," to search for absolution. I pursued the pain that I had forseen, the mountains never climbed, the rising tide never overcome and the moments so close to destruction - just to touch the boy. Just to make him see. Just to make him understand and never fear the fall. You see, he took the safer route - the obvious path of inner success and strolled the path we have all been confronted with. As though I knew, as though I could see all that was to come...
Live your life - no matter who are responsible for or who is responsible for you. Take the chance - "If it's worth the worst, it's worth the risk." Climb out onto that FORBIDDEN limb, rise above your lowest cloud, take in hand the moments of high wires and burning fires - take it now. Do not look back in pure regret for what you have forsaken. Make it better for the eyes that have always seen or at least pursued, take the bull by the horns and do NOT let go until the deepest grooves have found you beaten. Admit to all your worst and come back at it your best. Make them see, make them swallow your truth and then bind them all to your intensity.
I'll only hold you in question to the days and darkness that you do not ask for what you desire, for what your heart demands, and to what you always, in the past, denied yourself to be. Take the passion and the promise and make it yours. Return its strength and refuel its dimming light - do NOT let go. You want the purity, than find in me what's pure; you want the security, than allow for me to feel secure. Surpass your anger and fate and take the punches - one by one. I've been there and I stay there because absolute feeling is more grand than complacency. I will give you mine if you can give me yours. Do not expect more, but receive it with grace if it should be given. I lay myself before you if only you return the favor to my request. If it be so much, than I shall find a way to pass you by without regret or remorse - but never in ease or in placid pause. Only ever to make your soul shine with all its brilliance and its charm - that is my goal.
Potential. There's always that - but what do you make of THIS night? What do you let you go, day by day - do you not see that each moment lets the next go by? FUCK the pain and FUCK the hurt, FUCK the righteous and FUCK the pride - take all of me so deep inside. Make the moment and make the day, make all the hurt just go away and find me there, waiting for you and all that we can do. Take me to the place where you cannot let me go, find me in a world where you would never let your feelings fail to show.
I don't know if you see me here - all around you, surrounding your every movement, seeking your very breath; but that's where I am. Watching what you do, hoping that I can follow or stand tall beside your grace.
You have your actions and I have my words - so different in taste, but tasting delicious just the same. We'll meet again. You have your questions and I have my blame - but if only you'd look beyond my heart rising above the shame. I've travelled through you and walked around you, holding your heart to every searching light; only begging that you not let go of one more everlasting night. Take me to the tears that I have not allowed to fall, risk the very moment where you feel you have risked it all. I PROMISE, five times and more, that you will find me there - just outside your door and merely beyond my never ending stare...