June 10, 2004
Wow - 2:04 - figures...Haven't been able to sleep very much lately. Last night I had a dream that Shane and Kathy were at my parents house. I kept waking up and when I feel back asleep, there they were all over again... I think I get it now. I think I realize that this is it. He said it himself - he doesn't want to tell her about us because he doesn't want her to pull the insurance. There is still something going on there. Does she expect him to not have anyone in his life? If so, that means she is still shooting for first place. Not that she hasn't been in first place all along, but actually hearing it from his lips is another story. All the things that he has been unable to say - I finally pulled them out. Road America was simply wonderful as our last weekend together. We never acted as a couple, but we hung out the entire weekend - getting sunburned, watching races, climbing scary hills with the scooter, drinking and chatting with all of our friends. You know one of us has to give it up, though and I suppose it should be me. He has more of a right to it. I just still cannot believe it has to be this way. It's still nearly impossible to comprehend.