Bent Words

Bent Words

June 10, 2004

You want for me to get it out, but you never mentioned that it always seem to be that there is no one around to give it to. To share what it is that seems so important to me. Perhaps I put too much into you, indeed, now that I'm sitting alone without a single person in the world who would hear these words. Rather, I'm sure there would be someone to hear these words, but who would care - who would understand them? Even you - with your life so busy, with your worries so wide, with your patience so bordered. You - never as afraid of hurting me as you were so afraid of hurting yourself... And that's the amazing thing - that I never understood that. That I would not believe you were so selfish, so discontent with life, so impartial to making things work as opposed to just hoping they do.

But it's you who has to know what I feel, for you are the only one to whom it pertains besides myself! You must know that I'm getting it - that I'm going to go now. That you just stood there as I drifted away. You just say fuck it because you think you're life is going to end anyway and I say lets try this because I know life's going end either way! How material you must be to hang on for reasons of ease - for the fear that she would actually be cold hearted enough to pull the insurance. How stupid you must think I am to believe THAT. There's so much going on that you don't have the balls to tell me and it's just rediculous...

Written at 8:49 p.m.