Bent Words

Bent Words

August 07, 2022

"Yeah, well, instead of sitting in front of the TV at night, we should be going on a family walk or playing a game. We should be getting more exercise and having less screen time."

I paused my show and blinked.

There was a lot of blinking.

I just dedicated one hour of my day to exercise on the treadmill in addition to lifting weights and strength training. I did a 5K, yo! I run the dog hard outside, I wash, dry and fold all the laundry in the southern portion of this state and then I have spent every spare second while not doing my job, taking care of our heathen spawn.

How about YOU stop sitting in front of a screen and get some exercise? You somehow manage to zone out on your phone all night AND get nothing accomplished. It's pretty fantastic actually. Your one sole purpose is to have zero purpose.

I call that dedication.

If I have logged a good amount of zone minutes during the day, have the dishes all cleaned up and the counter garbage put away and have picked up all three children to return home at 6:45pm, then yes. I'm going to snag a bite to eat and sit directly in front of the GODDAMN TV for a bit.

You go walk. You go play a game. This is your guilt talking, not mine.

"What do you want me to do with these chicken titties?"

"Maybe not call them that in front of our ten-year-old daughter for starters."


"I've spoken like this since the day we met so why do you have a problem with it now?" he asks.

Well, probably the same stupid reason he hates it when I say GODDAMN IT (which makes me say it way more than I would have previously) now just like I used to say since the day we met. That's what I say when I'm mad. It's not the best thing to say in front of children unless you're prepared to explain it to them but, chances are, when they're bigger, they'll be saying all the same stupid shit we're saying now.

At least saying GODDAMN IT is cursing a mythical creature instead of potentially offending the female portion of your family. If you don't mind explaining titties to your daughter then, by all means, continue. Otherwise, whisper, goddamnit.

Written at 9:12 a.m.