Bent Words

Bent Words

June 25, 2022

I leave this house in the afternoon and I feel misunderstood and falsely lit. Like a bright and sunny room with lots of windows but no way out. The music can sometimes help but sometimes all I want to do is cry and feel confused and selfishly sad. Consumed, I pass by all these people and wonder if you're there. I wonder if I broke things that no one could repair.

But sitting in a dark bar, with few lights and fewer walls, I felt understood. More than I have been in so very long. Connected on a deeper level than we ever were back in the day when I was too young to know better and your were too stubborn to let me in all the way.

I didn't know I needed that so it took me by surprise.

We sat there and we broke down the barriers with a toast. I saw you and you saw me. Maybe no one will know me like that again. That's the scariest part. The second chance or the opportunity missed or the mistake made or perhaps the right decision for the wrong reasons... I don't know if what I've done is wrong or if who I am is capricious or what the future holds but I know that I felt like it was okay to be me.

Somehow that part of you always gets eaten up by the monotony of life. Someone wants you to be less fickle and more reliable, less prone to running or rambling. They dig at what you say and without even realizing it, they turn you into the person that they want you to be because the way you are is somehow less right.

And so you are suppressed.

You'll keep your rogue thoughts to yourself. You will load the dishwasher "correctly" and you will not swear in the same sentence as you place God. That will be your purpose. The purpose of others. Yours is gone. Choked out by people who could never fully accept the way you just are. And I get it. Who I am isn't always pretty or predictable. Who I am is full of mistakes and misunderstanding. You just don't see anything wrong when it's just you.

Cheers to the wish you were here...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlPhMPnQ58k
Here's to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

There's a time that I remember, when I did not know no pain
When I believed in forever, and everything would stay the same
Now my heart feel like December when somebody say your name
'Cause I can't reach out to call you, but I know I will one day, yeah

Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts someday, ayy ayy
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, ayy

Here's to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

There's a time that I remember when I never felt so lost
When I felt all of the hatred was too powerful to stop (ooh, yeah)
Now my heart feel like an ember and it's lighting up the dark
I'll carry these torches for ya that you know I'll never drop, yeah

Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts someday, ayy ayy
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, ayy

Here's to the ones that we got (oh)
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through (no, no)
Toast to the ones here today (ayy)
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories (ayy)
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, doh, doh
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

Written at 9:41 a.m.