Bent Words

Bent Words

March 27, 2022

"This is the only nice thing I do for people," I said.

"Somehow I doubt that," he replied.

Maybe he doesn't know me that well but this is quite sincerely the only nice thing I do for people.

He couldn't leave my side because the apheresis machine kept beeping. This is my first time using an apheresis machine. Well, more like it's my first experience with an apheresis machine while donating blood as I am not the one running it but, if I were, I'd probably not know what the hell I'm doing because I'm actually NOT as tech savvy as I once thought I was (as evinced by this COVID scam forcing me to work from home) and I would most definitely turn the sound off of the damn thing since it kept beeping at me all the time. It really got in the way of draining all the blood from my body. I was all self-conscious.


"Is it me?" I asked.

"No, no it's because you're cold."

"I am??"

"The machine doesn't lie," he answered. "It knows you're cold before you do."

"So it is me!"

"Well, yes, kind of," he replied.

He covered me up with my sweatshirt, garnered me a soda, a bottle of water and double checked my needle. Then he gave a few little makeshift heating pads because apparently cold blood doesn't flow, yo. He looked a little concerned so I'm thinking I started to go pale.


"I'm sorry," I said.

"For what?"

"Being so much drama!! Maybe ya'll should just do the whole blood thing instead of the double red cell thingy."

"You're not drama and we want your double red cells because you can save twice as many lives this way and it's worth it to have the company since it's dead here today."

"Oh. Well, I'm happy to accommodate. Take whatever you want but why didn't anyone tell me to do this before??"

"Good question."

"Say! I know you!! You're the guy that was here before but with a lot less hair!"

"Sure am," he replied.


"Okay, we're going to warm you up a bit as the anti-coagulant is going to get returned to your body now and it might make you feel cold again."

"Why are my lips numb, dude? They're all tingly."

I put my fingers up to my mouth to make sure I wasn't waggling my lips at him and he took off to quick grab something. He came back with some Tums and told me it would make the numbness go away.

"Sorry, I forgot to mention you might feel that and get a metallic taste in your mouth," he said. "It's just a reaction that people get but very few actually experience it."

"That's cool!"

"I've never had anyone describe it as cool before," he laughed.

"It's science. That's pretty baller!"

"So what are your plans for the weekend?"

"I'm going to focus on not strangling my children while I do the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking and the organizing. And then I'm probably going to run away from home because I've been there for too long and I can't take it anymore -- I need get out! I'm probably going to go roller skating. Or to a bar. Or both. But if I don't, I'll be hiding in my basement hoping that whole 'out of sight, out of mind' thing works. And I'm sorry for going on and one but, number one, you asked and, number two, I don't get out much. How about you?"

"Ahhh, you're married with kids, I take it?" He sounded a bit disappointed. "I don't have any plans but I sure wish you luck with yours! And you're all done, Laura. Hope to see you again soon."

I don't know if it's just because I've been cooped up for so long or if I'm oblivious to the attention of others but it might just be that the Blood Guy was hitting on me! I'ma take it.

That and the 650 calorie deficit I just enjoyed while sitting in a chair for an hour.

Written at 12:59 p.m.