October 19, 2020
I want it dark. Dark as night without a single star shining in the sky. I want the tire marks to lead to somewhere else other than where I am. I want to…
Disappear.
I want to reach out and cry for days. I want to let the tears fall for all the hours that they need to fall. I want to get it all out and then start all over again because it will start all over again. I am not done yet.
It’s like a fucking dream now. Did it even happen? Did I see you? WAS I FINALLY SEEN??! Did I make it all up in my mind? Have I really lost you again?
Fumbled. Intercepted. Dropped the ball.
Speaking of which…
Went out to watch the game. Wasn’t much to see so I stood at the window and looked out into the sunshine and wondered where I was. The old men at the bar laughed with me and had their sordid tales to tell. 72 year old Glenn lost two wives and now just chases the girls. Bought him a birthday beer and he bought me a birthday shot. He smoked another cigarette and came in from a different door each time.
That door opening was never satisfactory.
I threw flags on every play after our only touchdown. Steel tells me the spunk in my step is catching. The old woman behind the bar hasn’t been forked in years until I came rushing in looking for more BALLS (meatballs). I read porn from a torn page of crazy smut REALLY loud, several times, for several audiences. Some thought I was nuts, some laughed, one 29-year-old kid asked me out on a date. Russell showed me how to twerk and poured a mean set of shots that would hit me pretty hard later.
It was a good fucking day but it was not great.
It wasn’t you.
I chased you for years. Tailed you for miles. Watched you walk away. Saw you disappear.
But it will not end. It won’t fade. It won’t wear off.
It’s undefined in my lifetime.
And it might hurt more than I could have ever guessed but I wouldn’t wash it off my skin for a million miles of ease.
I'd break my soul to know you every time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTCDVfMz15M
Ever wonder about what he's doing?
How it all turned to lies?
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Eh, eh, eh
Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy?
Even when it's not right
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Ever worry that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by, by, by?
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try