Bent Words

Bent Words

September 25, 2020

God motherFUCKINGdammit, Cancer, you stupid bitch.

Chuck. I shook my boobs on your poster. They’re not much to talk about but they are pretty intense with their life-giving sustenance so I hope they give some fucking extra life and love to you. I need you to know I care. You LOVE and you LIVE and you FIGHT and I… I fucking LOVE YOU.

You’re in hospice like *that* and we cannot say good bye. WHY? Because you could die an hour sooner from COVID?

I could curse you for making me drink another Corona during this shit fuck pandemic that doesn’t allow your best friend or your peers to say good bye properly (with real boobs in the NOW by the way) but I know it’s not your fault or how you would have it at all. You’d have us all right the fuck there – not scared – if you could. Phil is new at the Ash and VERY hilarious but not very bar savvy as yourself. I had to open four Coronas with the church key on my shoes but I thought it rather endearing then odd.

I will forever turn your cigarettes east, your Zippo west and drink a Corona straight south in your honor.

We’ve lost too many, us Ash Bums, but this is bad. This is Jeff Barta bad. This is JPC and another sad nod to another life lost too soon.

This is legendary. This is an iconic sway in the universe that won’t be forgiven for its malfeasance.

I’m not happy for the reason of the gathering but I am glad I made it to the same spot we cherished, together, with the same folks we cherish still.

You might be too high on morphine to know it but I love the fuck out of you. Wish I could have said it again, one last time. You’re a grand man, a loving father, a doting grandfather, a military honor, a husband devoted beyond the necessity and a best friend to the woman who stole your heart in the midst of all the madness. I feel worse for her than anyone because she’s not technically family but I know she loved you as much if not more than a family member could.

All my love to you and yours and mine and ours.

My boobs for a smile and nod and a good smack on the ass. Love that I know you like I do. Thank you for being in this world with me! I have loved every fucking second of it (save for this one).


Written at 5:03 p.m.