May 16, 2020
I woke up with all this rabble in my head so here ya go!! Do you really have the time to rearrange the dishwasher? Is that truly on the top of the list of your priorities, to redo something that’s already been done? The entire surrounding area can look like shazz with crumbs galore and sticky circles from glasses containing said sticky substance and paper plates not tossed away but instead of attacking those areas, you choose to redo the goddamn dishwasher. It's not just that you’ve rearranged it, it’s that you have successfully modified my existence and have changed whoever the fuck it is that I am because now, to avoid you redoing everything, I do it the way YOU do it just so you won’t go head and redo it (that which has already been done, need I remind you).It’s a direct assault upon my character and, yes, I am genuinely annoyed as all get out.
The ATV in our garage is getting close to celebrating it’s second birthday here. I know you’re not charging storage but you should. That’s all this garage is good for – storing shitloads of junk that we SPRINKLE like confetti about the floor. When your brother comes to our house to do anything, he also cleans up our entire garage because even he cannot stand it.
The Big Kid has organized it once herself.
It’s THAT impossible to get through to house portion otherwise.
We have two TVs in our possession that definitely weigh more than me. When I suggested we get rid of them (for the 15th time) you said, “Stop worrying about the TVs.”
I’m not going to stop worrying about the ATV or the TVs or the state of our garage. If *I* don’t worry about it, WHO WILL?
Laurie, the nice lady with the big red truck who trolls our neighborhood for metal, took our old grill away. She is a burly one, lifting the entire gas grill into her truck bed by herself. I went outside to help (what a sight, us two burly broads loading heavy metal by ourselves) but she had it mostly covered by the time I got to the end of the driveway. I shook her hand with my sales lady strength and she looked at me for a minute with a small smile on her face which I took to mean she likes girls (which isn’t surprising because I attract all the ladies) but then she said, “Better go wash your hands, honey.”
“Oh no, I’m not worried about the plague. My hygiene skills are up to code.”
She laughed. I like her.
I have two more grills for her, two lawnmowers and two TVs disguised as metal. I wonder if she would help me heft them up from the basement…
I love nurses and doctors (cept for the one who circumcised my son at present) but if I have to hear another thing about how they are holding the front line and heroic in their pursuit of health, I’m going to fucking snap. Give them free hotel rooms, childcare, lunch, soda, gas, etc. for what? DOING THEIR JOB?! Sure! Why not! Screw those who LOST their jobs or are doing several jobs in lieu of the panic. Let’s hand out some free shazz to those who can still afford it and then some. I hold no empathy for those who have chosen a healthcare profession and are therefore caring for my health. If you have to work longer hours then suck it up buttercup. Pretty sure your pay hasn’t been minimized or completely severed.
I’m working from 6am to 6pm every day to keep up with the demands of my job with a pay cut, frozen vacation, extra workload from those necessitating furloughs while educating my 2nd grader and caring for her younger siblings. It’s hard, it sucks and it’s draining. I have a job though (for now) so that’s something. I worry about that because I’m spread too thin, not able to do any of it at peak performance but someone has to try to do it all and I’m trying. FUCK I’m trying. My good intentions always fall short – despite my expectations and level of dedication – but I’m still going.
I don’t know if I’ll ever not be disappointed in myself and if there existed a Give a Fuck’o Meter I know I’d be off the charts but the fact that I still cannot rise to that zenith is and always has been a hefty weight to bare.
[Bear. Bare? One is an animal and the other is nakedness so I always get that fucked up. Unbearable.]
I was on the edge yesterday.
The very edge.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8VECZUmeQE
There's something about lighting up a Marlboro Red
That nicotine rush into my head
And a taste of Southern Comfort on my lips
Tells me I ain't ready to quit
Something about driving way too fast
Switching gears and hammering on the gas
And the fact that they ain't caught me yet
Tells me I ain't ready to quit
Don't start thinking I'm gonna stop
Giving it all I got
If you think you've seen love you ain't seen nothing yet
How could I ever get tired
Of waking up by your side
And the taste of your sweet kiss
Tells me I ain't ready to quit
There's something about the way you say my name
That drives this old country boy insane
So baby don't don't stop loving me like this
'Cause I ain't ready to quit
Don't start thinking I'm gonna stop
Giving it all I got
If you think you've seen love you ain't seen nothing yet
How could I ever get tired
Of waking up by your side
And the taste of your sweet kiss
Tells me I ain't ready to quit
Don't start thinking I'm gonna stop
Girl I'm giving it all I got
If you think you've seen love you ain't seen nothing yet
How could I ever get tired
Of waking up by your side
And the taste of your sweet kiss
Yeah the taste of your sweet kiss
Tells me I ain't ready to quit