June 12, 2019
Suddenly I was standing directly behind you.I could tell by the slight, savory scent hanging in in the air though I haven't experienced it in more than ten years. I could tell by way your left leg was bent, connected to the same boots I've seen you wear since, always. That Flintstone thumb tucked into the back pocket of your jeans. Your quiet impatience tethered to the tautness of your neck and, that jawline.
The pounding of my heart reverberated so loudly in my chest that it blew away the world around us with the sudden shock of its existence. It was as though a huge thunder clapped so loudly it stunned my not only my ears but my sight as well. I could not feel my hands or see my feet for the features magnified in front of me and that was okay because, for all I knew and smelled, I was standing in the dingy shop, laser focused once again on that neck, that jawline.
Standing next to you now was the same as standing next to you then. The electricity making my fingers tingle with the desire to reach out and gently take in each and every inch of exposed and unexposed skin.
The breath I drew in would be my last for several seconds as I imagined reaching out and turning your head with my hand, holding onto the hope that you would allow me to kiss those lips with the abandon I once knew so well. That kiss. That kiss that always led to other things. Allowing my fingers to slide around your neck and caress the back of your shoulders, sending pangs of wakefulness to areas not used to such heights of awareness. Feeling like we're falling from the very cliff we didn't realize we were standing on, nothing between us, no air around us, just the balance of this moment we cannot deny ourselves, even after all these years. It feels the same, welcoming, reassuring and I reach down to make sure this is truly my body you're now holding as close to yours as you possibly can and it is. You accept all of it as I grant you all of it.
And I know just standing next to you has made me this way again, once more, as though it were meant to be and nothing separated our bodies but for a small slice in time, too narrow to define, too right to be wrong.
Suddenly you sighed but did not turn. Did you know it was me? Did you stay forward focused because it was me? Or did you just want to get going and had no clue? Were you impatient with my memories or did you feel them, too, just for a moment? In that place we always were and I sometimes am now. That place blasted away by the magnificence of your outline, the anticipation of your touch, the perfection of your kiss. Before we even gap the distance, the damage is done -- I know it too well to let it go and I want it too much to just forget it and so I reach out a longing hand and there you are, moving forward before I can turn your head.