Bent Words

Bent Words

January 11, 2019


My BFF at work, who has been married for just over a year and who has been carrying on with another man (at work), has finally busted open the seams of the shoddily sewn pillow that was her marriage.

All the fluff and stuffing is out.

I took it to heart because we're really close and I've been the only one invited in on the shenanigans. Invited out to lunch when it's just the two of them. Invited out to drinks when it feels like it's just the two of them. Invited out to walks so I can be the scapegoat which makes it all okay. Whatever. It's fine. I can't judge.

But I did and then I opened my mouth and the judging came out and I vented all the things and then he got mad and asked why its anyone's business so I got sad and then I cried and that's when I thought, "I might be pregnant."

Last week I had a dream that I was pregnant with twins and lactating. I don't know about the twins part but I'm definitely pregnant.

4 weeks.

I feel so entirely elated despite the insomnia. I feel so incredibly old despite the giddiness in my soul. I'm worried about all the things that OLD people who are pregnant need to be worried about -- miscarriages, multiples and defects -- but mostly I just want to make it to 8 weeks and hear that precious little heartbeat.

Right now, however, all I can hear is my two-year-old crying because my six-year-old stole all the markers. ALL. THE. MARKERS.

Last night the six-year-old put a booger in the two-year-old's dinner... It was right about then that I wondered what the HELL am I even thinking adding another miscreant to the farm?!

Others have been there, others have survived. Maybe we will, too.


Stomach seems to be 8 months pregnant already (lame)
Mood swings (might not be pregnancy-related)
Increased appetite

Wish me luck and patience and booger-free snacks.

Written at 7:41 p.m.