Bent Words

Bent Words

August 08, 2018

Do you find yourself stumbling in here, too? This place where the music plays all the same old songs that we once sang/danced/screamed/whispered/jumped/cried to? Maybe I'm the only one. Spinning like mad. There are so many years between us and so many things that have happened but somehow there is still nothing that can get into the way of you walking like a ghost into a room. But why? Is love like this supposed to exist? When it's not me who ended up with you; When it's not my heart that you come home to; When it's my present that you still walk into.

Can it be that your body is bent and old and a little bit slow but yet your heart trips over an old memory and stands RIGHT THE HELL STILL as though we were kids again hiding a long kiss behind a moto van with nothing else living in the air between us, above us, around us, behind us at all? It's been all day and I can't feel the hunger or the heat or the fear that should stop my feet. I can't see my work for the circling madness my memory longs to be touched by you.

Brew Crew tomorrow afternoon
Probably the last game I'll get to this year
I'll try not to look for you as I grab one more beer
I'll try not to hold my breath, wondering if that's you
I'll try not to linger, wondering if you get caught up in me, too
But maybe I'm the only one...

Remembering the very sound of your voiceAs though I could let go, as though I had a choice
How can I miss you when you won't leave
Haunting my dreams each night when I sleep
My fingers reach to feel your face just as my mind wakes
And you stay with me the rest of the day
This is about as much as I can take
But maybe I'm the only one...

I have my own kids now. I know what unconditional love is. I know what limitless now means. I know how hard it was and how deep it went and how impossible our chances were. That's how know how good it was, how real it was and just how high love can go.

It all began with you. And looking at me now I know that time couldn't fix it, work couldn't fill it, age couldn't degrade it, drugs couldn't drown it. Pain could not lessen it, heart break could not chill it, cancer could not kill it and darkness could not drown it. I know what it was and what it still remains to be.

Maybe I'm the only one...

And I have no apologies for it.

Not a single one.

Written at 6:38 p.m.