Bent Words

Bent Words

May 05, 2012

February 29th 2012

And itís also where he proposedÖ

The Nice Ash.

It could not have been better timing.

Though I could not see him for the tears, I could not hear him for the shock of his getting down onto one knee and I could barely answer him for the lump in my through, I said yes.

Actually, I said, ďI suppose so.Ē

Which makes the story even better.

Although there werenít a million people I know at the Ash, there were enough. And they who saw, clapped. I love that part.

The part where his voice was shaking, his words were a bit fumbling and his brow was sweating was also intensely awesome but I loved, most of all, the clapping. They cheered for me, they cheered for K-Dog Ė they cheered for us and for happiness and for our future.

And when Ziggy asks us how we met and how we came to be, wonít I be so elated to share the story!


March 23rd, 2012

Married.

Married?!

Yes. Iím married. Just. Like. That.

It almost wasnít soÖ

We flew to Florida on March 20th to join my parental units at the condo my grandparents once owned. The weather was perfect and so were the surprises Ė Just (about) Married on the door to our ďbridal suite,Ē white bells hanging from the bed posts, a little tray of wedding candles and bubbles on the bed. We felt loved, celebrated, welcomed and blessed.

But then he dragged me, the day before our courthouse wedding, to Orlando over two hours away. What was supposed to be an afternoon of memories from his past and a lunchtime visit with his high school friend turned into an all day and all night event. On my feet. In the 85 degree sun. There was no organization, no respite from the crowded rest stops and no real plan of action. I wanted to be happy for him but, more importantly, I wanted to feel loved and light for my wedding day. OUR wedding day. Our one day to truly celebrate each other.

I wanted to be well rested and well groomed for the task ahead of us. Instead I felt like a lump of meat Ė an afterthought. We wandered the hallways of his old school and during this time, I felt fine. But two hours without a chair makes for a disgruntled pregnant lady.

For some reason, we decided to meet his friend at a crowded mall in the middle of one of the largest tourist towns in the US instead of at the school. After that, they took me to Universal Studios. The parking lot alone is distanced so far that we were on our feet for another half hour just to get in the place. After agreeing not to drink, he ordered himself a beer at the Hard Rock Cafť. I couldnít figure out why I was even a part of this gathering. Then, off to a restaurant with another line and another long, long wait.

I just felt like was living my life in a long line of hurry up and wait.

He didnít see my swollen feet and ankles. He didnít notice, really, the pain growing steadily within my chest. He didnít consider the time or the toll all of this was taking on me. We didnít even sit down to dinner until 8 or 9pm. With a two-hour drive ahead of us, the last thing on my mind was marriage.

I should have told him all of this but, instead, I pouted and let the frustration build until I melted into an emotional pile of mush. The man who normally screams at me not to bend over to pick things up, who reminds me to hold the railing while walking up or down stairs to prevent mishap, who takes care to worry that I donít attempt to do too much, just kept pushing me onward and upward until I could literally walk no longer.

I did not complain because, number one, I donít complain. And I wanted to be strong for him on his important adventure but we were on the cusp of our greatest adventure thus far Ė our union in marriage. Where was the consideration for this?

We arrived back at the condo at 1am. I tearfully drifted in and out of sleep until I rose at 7am, tears rising easily to my eyes once again.

I spent the next few hours recounting the events from the day before to my parental units who merely listened and instructed me to do as my heart demanded.

Puffy-eyed and broken, I relayed this all to Kevin saying I didnít feel confident in making that next big step toward marriage if our relationship was going to be like THIS. He offered to fly out on the next flight to go home and thatís when I realized that all I wanted was for him to hear me and see my pain and know that we need to put ourselves first before attending to the whims we should hold as secondary.

And all was once again well with the world.

I was an ass for not speaking up and he was an ass for not really seeing me.

My parents had slipped away during this time to let us have our time and returned with a beautiful wedding bouquet of white calla lilies such as the ones my grandmother had on her wedding day.

We were ready to proceed.

Happily and confidently in each other and in our union.

And so on March 23rd we were married in room 323 at the West Palm Beach courthouse on my parentís 35th wedding anniversary.

Written at 8:51 a.m.