Bent Words

Bent Words

September 07, 2011

Dishwasher, dishwasher wash me a dish. Rinse me a spoon, clean me a bowl.


First time operating a dishwasher...

I've asked the preliminary questions of those "in the know."

"What do you use for soap?"

(Not regular dish washing soap.)

"Is there anything you should not put in a dishwasher?"

(Knives, pans, cats and apparel.)

"What are those tablety things for?"

(Don't bother.)

"Is there a proper and an improper way to load a dishwasher?"

(Yes. That's why God invented Google.)

"Will Kevin and I argue this fact?"


"Is there really a point to having a dishwasher when one has to rinse everything first, then soak the dishes AND pretreat them?"



It's sitting there. All lonely-like in my kitchen. Waiting to be summoned to the call of duty (kinda like me at my new job).

Now is the time for all good dishwashers to come to the aid of their party.

And, despite my doubts and in opposition to my initial fears of having to wash them all over again, I have decided that it is time.

First I garnered the necessary supplies. During our latest shopping spree, Kevin and I procured dishwashing detergent in the form of Cascade with the grease fighting power of Dawn which leaves dishes S P A R K L I N G, according to the bottle. Lemon scented. I trust Kevin's brand judgment. Since he paid. For now.

Second I Googled "How to properly load a dishwasher." After carefully reading each caption (nestled under color photos for those who are more visual, like myself) I began to load my dishwasher. First the dishes on the bottom facing the middle, then the bowls on the top facing forward (at an angle to ensure proper drainage), then the cutlery (spread out evenly) in the appropriate trays, then the utensils laid flat on the bottom and finally all tupperware on top so as to avoid the heat at the bottom (which might otherwise warp the plastic).

Whew. I need a beer.

And a moment to FaceBlob a few peeps...

Then I turned on the hot water in the tap to promote a hot start in the dishwasher.

Next I dumped in a bunch of Cascade into the little dishes labeled "Pre-wash" and "Main Rinse," as per my own ingenuinity, and closed the door.

Finally I turned the little dial to "Normal Wash," seeing as I did not have any pots or pans to cleanse.

I stood back and I waited.


Nothing happened.

"Where's the GO button on this thing?" I asked out (really) loud.

Don't even tell me that this thing isn't functional and that I'll have to somehow spoon out all the gobble-dee-gook in the little dishes AND clean them on my own!

So I proceeded to check the fuse box. All was a go. I flipped a miscellaneous switch in the kitchen and that turned on the garbage disposal. I stupidly flipped on another switch in the living room (that acts as a green light for the bottom outlets IN THE LIVING ROOM). Then I gingerly opened the dishwasher to see if there was a "preliminary switch" I was missing. Finally I checked under the sink to see if the damn thing was even hooked up.

With failure pressed upon me, I was just about to start crying and dial Kevin to tell him that I'm not made out for all this domestic bull crap when I realized that there was yet another miscellaneous switch hidden behind my AT&T 2Wire Internet thingy...

Ah HA!

Flip the switch and VOILA! the swishy sound started!

Cats proceed to scatter at the sudden burst of *swoosh swoosh* and I proceed to giggle with pure glee.

It lives!

And, one beer and a ridiculous account of my domestic travails later, the damn thing still hasn't finished washing my dirty dishes so I can have a clean plate for my rice and tortilla dinner...

I could have successfully completed this weighty task forty minutes ago. YES. Forty.

Luckily water is the one thing I don't have to pay for around here.

And, I suppose, I do feel a little less like a maid in my own home.

(Not really but I thought I'd venture to convince myself of this while I wait. Ever. So. Patiently.)

And so here ends my dishwashing story...

Written at 6:26 p.m.