Bent Words

Bent Words

July 06, 2010

Where have you gone?

We have not spoken to each other in a year. And then, all we were was a hello and a handshake. Nothing intimate in person, nothing worth referring to later. Perhaps. But before that time, during and since, I've at least had the pleasure of knowing you were traversing these pages, strolling through my satire and sorrow, keeping up with my trials and errors, meandering through my mischief.

Que lastima.

To lose the regularity of your recognition makes me feel less... regarded (alas, alliteration is my ally).

Still, nothing has been lost with the mention of your name.

Joey was in the other day. Speaking of strangers. It's been too long since I've been able to enjoy my jovial Jancosky hug! We talked about the old days and the old days always feature an image of you. The conversation's volume decreases as though we were paying our respects to the Dearly Departed. Which, I suppose, isn't quite entirely too off base. There's always a notion of concern quickly followed by a spark of light in our eyes. Though you'd only notice the light if you were to follow my gaze to the floor.

Indeed, what has become of that man?

Where in the world has he gone?

"Ya know he lives right down the road from me now," said Tom Matoska, my State Farm Insurance agent.

"You remember him, don't you Laura?"

"Yes, Tom. I do."

I can hardly help but laugh.

Apparently he was hoping you'd be able to do a little wrenching on his bike, the Kawasaki he's not ridden in 14 years, if he wasn't able to get it going himself.

Remember the days of Johnny Blaize? Yeah, a buddy of his stopped by the shop. He didn't ask about you but I know he wanted to. And it's been hot like that. Hot like the hangover track days and when we said good bye to Sales Johnny. And didn't we rip through the night?

Poor guy, though -- he's been through a lot. A divorce last year and the death of one of his parental units. Let's hope he calls to say hello -- it's been too long since he's said good bye. A few drinks on ice and some time to catch up would be nice.

And Mr. Mooney made an appearance today. Of course, he always asks about you, but this time the tables were turned.

"Ya know I saw him with his daughter at Ducati Milwaukee's open house the other day. He was looking good, Laura. I suppose you haven't talked to him recently?"

"No, Tim. I haven't."

And I could hardly help but frown.

Through the years of everyone, off and on and intermittently as ever, dropping by to pick up parts and inquire after you, it's finally happened that others have seen you or heard from you or know a little something more about you than me. I know, such is life, but still, it was such a sweet little secret to know that you weren't completely lost upon me yet. It was such a divine pleasure to know that I had your attention for a brief moment of the day and to feel as though I wasn't lost from your heart.

Just to know that you've not gone.


and i looked around for you
were you looking for me, too?
how many times have i called out your name

it's a funny situation everybody seems to ignore
you can't leave here until you find the door

and i look around and i see
you are looking back at me
how many times have i called on your name
how many times have i called your name...

such a funny situation everybody seems to ignore
you can't leave here until you find the door

Written at 8:25 p.m.