September 11, 2009
September 12th 2001Someone asked me how I felt last night, as I lit a candle for the millions of people who feel the very pain I feel and feel it to every extent possible. I responded in the best way I know how - with little premeditated thought and loads of heart! I want to expand on those thoughts now, if you wouldn't mind.
If I have ever hoped for anything, I am hoping now that you see what it is I see. I am hoping that you realize your importance in this world - that everyone realizes their importance in this world. For, no matter who you may be responsible for or who is responsible for your, you are the greatest entity that will every belong in your life. Be that person with all the eloquence you can contain, be that person - no matter how scared you might be - with every ounce you can commit to. Let happiness be yours, let happiness extend to one person you meet during the day. Allow your own sun to shine on a day with the heaviest gray clouds in the sky - make a promise that each day you are here is the best day of your life. And don't forget to let others know that they are precious, too - with the smile they didn't have to smile, with the kind words they didn't have to say, with the helping hand they didn't have to lend. Be it, taste, grasp it, smell it, seek it, love it - it's your life! And you don't know how long you have a right to it. It's never too late to let go of your prejudices, to be the person who you've always wanted to be, to tell that one person how you've always felt, to roll around in the green grass or the brilliant white snow with a grin on your face - all alone or with the world. And if you think I've just found this in a horrific tragedy, with mourning and terror - you've never really known me - and you've never known how much I truly care. I love you - with all my heart - with all the seconds that beat in my heart each day.
Hey, this just may be me, but perhaps this is a point of view you've never considered before and perhaps, today, it's worth exploring... Here is my empathy for every soul who does not feel content in their amazing survival of life. You may not have a lot of money, you may not have a lot of friends, you may not be the most respected, but you do have the most awesome, uncompromising power - and that is to be true to yourself and everyone you ever touch. That is the power to care, to love, to forgive, to pursue your own happiness and to never be afraid of who you are. Good luck, take life and take care. And so, this is how I feel...
*** The above was originally written with a 'thank you' for Gorgeous -- for he taught me many of the lessons which I wrote about. He taught me about life and love, he introduced me to passion and excitement and he showed me how to dream. He also showed me what it was to agonize with indecision, to be tortured with the shades of right and wrong, to struggle with good-bye... ***
Sept. 11, 2001
I was driving to work that day, listening to Bob and Brian. I heard the news about the attacks on the corner of St. Paul and Madison Street. I recall looking around at other drivers, wondering what they were feeling, what they were thinking. "It must be written on their faces," I thought; the shock, the horror. "They must be shaking, too."
The TV at the shop was meant for videos only -- there was no cable, no real clear station. When I walked in, no one said a word. We simply watched what we could through the static, waiting to know what was going on. Eventually I walked into the shop where the one person whom I could turn to was standing, near the garage door, speaking on his cell phone.
We looked at each other.
He could see that I needed him.
I could see the pools of apologies forming in his eyes.
I knew he had to go.
I watched him speed away, returning to his family.
He had left me a month before that, as he had left me on that day, and he would leave me again.
Sept. 11, 2007
Three years since I had seen his Gorgeous face and four years since his diagnosis of CML. I had wondered and worried, written and held back, hoped and prayed. And then there it was...
He sent me a message to tell me he was admitted to the hospital and about to get a bone marrow transplant the following week.
I watched it all rush back with brilliance before my eyes; I knew from the beginning he needed the procedure and I had been counting the days until I heard the good news.
I wanted most to hear his elation, to listen to his worry, to sense his frustration through what would be, and still is, a long journey. I wanted to relate my own joy and give to him my best and ease his strain. A friend in my heart still, but on opposite sides of a very tall fence. I let my prayers speak for a voice that could not be heard.
Sept. 11, 2009
Eight years later we mourn those who were lost. We send our love to those whose grief is greatest and we remember; not only where we were that day but where we are now.
And now that Gorgeous man is celebrating his 2-year anniversary of being CML free. His second chance, his revival, his life. I cannot directly tell him now what it is I could tell him then, nor can I explain how it still is so... and I certainly could not know how much it would mean to have written these words on that day --
Be it, taste, grasp it, smell it, seek it, love it - it's your life! And you don't know how long you have a right to it. It's never too late to let go of your prejudices, to be the person who you've always wanted to be, to tell that one person how you've always felt, to roll around in the green grass or the brilliant white snow with a grin on your face - all alone or with the world. And if you think I've just found this in a horrific tragedy, with mourning and terror - you've never really known me - and you've never known how much I truly care. I love you - with all my heart - with all the seconds that beat in my heart each day.
It's amazing to look back upon September 11th and behold what was lost.
Still more it is amazing to be able to cherish something so beautiful gained.