Bent Words

Bent Words

June 12, 2009

I've been in the habit lately of sabotaging my co-worker's work areas.

It's great fun and keeps my spirits up throughout the day.

A few weeks ago I Googled The Smurfs. I gathered a few photos of the most notorious characters and placed their images as backgrounds on each of the three parts counter computers. Papa Smurf, Smurfette and Gargazelle (or whatever the Bad Guy's name was). At the end of the day, which was about the time when they were finally able to change their background images back to babes and bikes, I again replaced the photos with images of my choice. This time, close ups of the wide-mouthed shrieking eels from Princess Bride.

I giggled all the way home.

Two weeks ago, on a fluke, I rotated JR's computer desktop to display at a 90 degree angle. He paged our boss, a self-proclaimed computer whiz, to the counter. I listened from the oil room as each of them attempted to turn the monitor back to its original viewing state. Had the monitor physically been turned 90 degrees (with the appearance of being right side up), the setting would have been quite simple to rectify but, alas, and to my sheer delight, neither of them thought of this. Thus the lacking coordination between hand and mouse forced them to turn their heads sideways and to hold the mouse in the air against their own palms before a resolution was made.

I am not nice.

I stacked a shipment of twelve cases of oil on Cory's counter area where his keyboard should be and finished The Wall by placing his keyboard at the top. My shoulders ached for three days. It was worth it.

I moved Tim's bike from the front of the building to the wash bay in the back of the building. He was convinced it was stolen. He was just about to call the police when I casually mentioned that I thought I saw his bike in the back, waiting to be washed.

"Uhhh, Dude, isn't that your one-liter in the wash bay?"

A narrow escape.

Last week I came into work early for the first time in months. I was fueled by the energizing effects of a heaping cup-o-sabotage. I was like a cocaine addict, sweating with asinine ambition to attain this one frivolous, yet fulfilling, goal. I literally convulsed with glee at the mere thought of my latest ploy.

I even teared up a little.

I unplugged all the computer monitors and keyboards at the parts counter before the boys arrived. Tim, Cory and JR were equally confused when they attempted to turn on their respective PCs. While they fussed over the possibility of a power outage, despite rumors that the lights were still functional, I happened to pass by with what might be defined as an overly eager expression. I watched as they fumbled. I turned away as they cursed. I looked on with inimitable joy as they plugged in their monitors with triumph only to be crushed with the realizations that they were not able to utilize their keyboard.

I suppose the insipid giggling gave me away.

Since then I've had the lights turned out on me three times while in the women's room.


Not pretty.

But well deserved.

Written at 9:47 p.m.