Bent Words

Bent Words

March 04, 2008

Perhaps I should have been a bit nicer. Perhaps I should have risen above the mediocrity. Perhaps I should have sucked it up and just walked away the better person. If nothing else I should have, perhaps, been a bit more professional.

But what fun would that have been?

Besides, how often do I get a chance to rub a customer’s face in his own stupidity?

Not often enough, my friends, not often enough.

I received this message at work today regarding a scooter I was selling on eBay:

“So u r a dealer…… what kinds of hidden charges are you gonna add after the winning bid???? Jim”


What’s up with the four questions marks???? Was one question mark really that insufficient? Was I supposed to feel a deeper sense of urgency upon noting the added punctuation? Did he think that by adding a few extra question marks he could make up for his inability to spell out two three letter words? Is the magnitude of the question actually increased by this inane effort?

Besides, it really wasn’t the sort of question which merited such emphatic punctuation. One usually reserves such amplification for more pressing inquiries… such as: “Where’s my car????” or “What do you mean I’m fired????” or “You’re pregnant????” or “You ate the last slice of zah????”

Really, Jim, this is eBay, not AOL Instant Messenger. This is my job, not a text message war. This is an auction for a scooter, Jim, not a basic fifth grade education. I’m sorry that I’m not currently selling anything that could possibly boost your intellect but, if I should come across something in your price range (without any hidden fees), I will be sure to give you a call.

I should have said that… Instead, I merely blocked all his bids and then replied:

“Thank you kindly for your inquiry. As is stated in our Terms of Sale at the end our listing, all fees are included with the winning bid and therefore I felt it unnecessary to incur the usual “hidden fees.” Also in our Terms of Sale, it is stated that you only pay tax and registration if you u r local. If u r not local, well I think u smell what I’m cooking…………..”

Thanks for playin’ Jim.

You're stupid. I win.

Written at 9:49 p.m.