Bent Words

Bent Words

January 29, 2008

My impression of she who cannot sleep…


I didn’t go out tonight because I didn’t sleep well last night (that and I’m broke and I have studying that I was going to do but didn’t and taxes that I had to finish but couldn’t and Nature decided to get down and nasty with all this winter shit) so now, here I am, still not sleeping, studying, playing or… taxes doing.

Good to know, though, that I’m cognitively functional sans sleep, right?


Perhaps the problem rests (heh) in the fact that I lied – my conscious is torturing me for not having chosen the ‘high road.’ My sleep is burdened by the idea that, although telling truth seemed novel prior to the lying, I didn’t schlep (hey! That’s a word!) down that golden path of verisimilitude.

Nope. I lied.

I lied and told the world that I received a B for my Research Methods class last semester when, in truth, I received my very first C while pursuing my degree in whatever degree it is exactly that I’m currently ‘pursuing.’ And, in all actuality, I began earnestly enough – while consuming vast quantities of “I thought you liked this” beer, I admitted to my parental units (in a rare viewing of the I Pity Myself show) that I had, indeed, disgraced their doorstep with a C to which my mother replied, “have another cookie and get over it.” But then I gently digressed knowing that the rest of the world could not as easily wipe away my malfeasance with magical chocolate chip cookie goodness – although that would be way cool.

Still, I have to believe that the lying was not entirely my fault (rather, more of a necessity). If the rest of my classmates could have owned up to their own less-than-opulent (i.e. real) grades, perhaps I would not have had to further blacken society with more falsehoods myself.

I know, damn well, that Chipmunk Girl, when I asked her during the first week of this new semester, did not do better than me. There’s just no way. She wasn’t even in class because she got cancer, had a baby, had her kidney removed and then had family member die all in two month’s time during lecture (or something catastrophically similar). I was so surprised that I even recognized her usually-absent face during the final exam that I accidentally blurted out “Hey! She’s alive!” (to a cancer/minus kidney survivor) when she walked in the room.

Slight faux pas on my part.

Even Krystal says she got a B. The girl who wore a top hat and pink tights (no, not nylons, tights – I don’t think they even make pink nylons) to class last week got a B in Research Methods. Just seems… odd. I mean, the grade part, not the attire; although that might be a questionable part of her personality which would be interestingly pursued by methods of research as well.

I don’t believe them. They smile too cutely to be believed. They toss it off their heads “Oh, I got an A, what did you get? Tee hee!” too easily, as though they were flipping their hair behind their shoulders, as though it were the simplest thing they’ve ever done, ever.

So… now you know and now you see; it’s not my fault that I lie. It’s this corrupt world with which I must compete – this deceit which begets more deceit. This vicious cycle was brought upon ME and now I must suffer the consequence of dark circles and puffy eyes in the morning.

It’s Gerbal Girl’s fault that I cannot sleep – she put me here. Her and her top hat, pink tight wearing freak of a friend.

Stupid C.

Written at 11:24 p.m.