Bent Words

Bent Words

January 17, 2008

Monday begins a new semester and quite possibly my second to LAST semester of school. Normally this sort of realization would instill a sense of pride into a person, perhaps a feeling of accomplishment and relief and, of course, a pinch of pending fear for what lies beyond the asinine daily life of college…

Yeah, I got none of that going on.

All I’m thinking about is how in the world I’m going to get through another semester, four days a week, with Dr. Dailey. The ‘professor’ who last semester stated, “Well, looks like you all can sleep in for the next four weeks seeing as I can’t think of anything we need to accomplish during that time.” What do you mean, you can’t think of anything?

Didn’t you plan ahead for this class? Don’t you expect to get paid at some point for having infiltrated our brains with knowledge? Haven’t you any pride for your work, your commitment, your damned profession? And why the hell didn’t you mention we were going to miss four weeks of class before I skipped three prior to that? WTF?!

It didn’t end there. The rest of our tuition money was squandered on Dr. Dailey’s inability to play an f’ing movie on the projector (really, though, that one falls on the class’ shoulders for not telling him to turn the projector ‘on’ but he should know better by now), his misguided sense of speaking coherently and a few ‘Oops! I’m runnin’ late’ excuses. It was rather pitiful.

To top it all off, I misinterpreted the date of the final exam since I hadn’t been to class in about a freakin’ month. Dr. Dailey didn’t penalize me. He didn’t give me a do-over. He didn’t even bother to seek me out. He just gave me an A. An A! I didn’t do anything! I didn’t learn anything, I didn’t even wake up on time and I didn’t provide any sort of pivotal contributions during class time (I did, however, say ‘good morning’ very cheerfully when I was there). What the hell was he thinking? What kind of a professor does that?

(Christ, I got an A… You’d think I’d stop complaining now, right?)

I’m also thinking about how much my job as Copy Editor for the paper is going to suck with Liz being the new Editor-in-Chief (not that my job didn’t suck before her…).

Liz is a great person. She’s funny, she’s sorta nice, she’s cute, she’s capable of reading and of projecting her wants and of walking – ya know, whatever, all that.

Still I hate the bitch.

She can’t spell to save her life and she uses the acronym ASAP followed by thirteen-thousand exclamation points in her seven stupid e mails she sends out every week. How much fucking time are you really saving by not typing out ‘as soon as possible’? What is your main objection, other than to piss off the immediate world, with your ridiculous and lone prioritized statement? Do you even read your own writing to see how that sounds?

Do you realize that I’m ten years older than you and therefore have a more established sense of what actually matters in life versus what is only pertinent to your superfluous and meager existence?

“Oh and don’t forget to git yer edits in this week end ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”


I hate that.


Lastly, I’m thinking about how I’m going to dodge the whole ceremonial aspect of graduation. I did the whole cap and gown gig when I graduated High School and that was about as much of that as I could take. I was the first person to hit the sun after escaping the gym that day.

And now I’m almost thirty – my parents are probably over the whole “wanna see my kid walk the graduation line” for college. I’m pretty sure no one’s as excited as me to pay their tuition bill that has been nicely accumulating for last five years. I really don’t think I need any “Hey, Graduate! You’re finally worth a piece of paper now!” cards. I seriously have doubts that I’m going to actually find a job with I’ve managed not to learn recently and I just don’t know that it’s worth all the fuss in the first place.

But I’ll miss it, just the same…

The non-existent parking, boys without nail clippers wearing flip-flips, girls without waists wearing thongs, the over-priced ideal of a small, private college education, the dining room I never visited, the events I never went to, the ghost that was my advisor, the word “like” fifteen times in one sentence, getting to class ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I’ll miss that.

Written at 8:44 p.m.