Bent Words

Bent Words

March 20, 2007

A SHOT OF LUCK

Characters:

JAKE – 33-year-old friend of Liz
LIZ – 33-year-old friend of Jake
AMY – 26-year-old bartender and friend of Liz and Jake

Liz sits at an empty bar – Amy has a large bottle of Tequila and three shots glasses in front of her.


LIZ

(softly) Will you marry me?

AMY

Mmm, too desperate.

LIZ

(blandly) Will you marry me?

AMY

Doesn’t sound like you mean it.

LIZ

(loud and abrupt) Marry me.

AMY

Or else?

LIZ

Come on, Amy! Can’t you be serious for two seconds?

AMY

I am being serious! He should be asking you to marry him.

LIZ

Than I’ll be waiting forever.

AMY

What makes you think he’s just going to dump her?

LIZ

We have a history...

AMY

So does he, with – what’s her name again? Bedtime Barbie?

LIZ

I have to try. It’s worth a shot.

AMY

Speaking of shots… A little liquid luck? (Amy pours and they each down a shot – ENTER JAKE)

JAKE

Save a little for me, ladies.

AMY

Speak of the devil.

JAKE

Speak of the serpent.

AMY

What’ll ya have, Jake? Arsenic on the rocks?


JAKE

Keep it up, Amy, and you’ll make a fine old maid one day.

LIZ

Alright guys, let’s cool it with the cheap shots.

JAKE

Speaking of shots, I’m buying. (Amy pours and they each down a shot)

AMY

Shall I keep a tab open for ya or just put it on your conscience?


JAKE (in a rhetorical manner)

Why do I subject myself to this?

AMY

Because the nice people in the white coats let you out to play?

LIZ

So, Jake. How are you doing?

(Amy turns her back to Liz and Jake, cleaning glasses behind the bar)

JAKE

Doing great! And how’s my fair lady?

LIZ

Fair.

AMY (sarcastic)

Thanks, Jake – I’m doing great. Thanks for asking.

JAKE

No problem.

LIZ

You two never know when to quit.

JAKE

She started it. So what’s on your mind?

LIZ

What do you mean?

JAKE

I don’t know – you called me out on a Thursday night. You tell me.

LIZ

Actually, I’ve…

AMY

She wants to ask you a question, Jake.

JAKE

Yeah?

LIZ

Can’t we just enjoy our drinks for a minute here?

AMY

How about we enjoy another shot? (Amy pours – they each down a shot)

JAKE

So what’s the secret?

LIZ

No secret.


JAKE

Right.

LIZ

Well, I guess I just wanted to tell you that… I’m…

JAKE

You’re…

LIZ

I’m… really grateful for you stepping in when things were going south with me and John.

JAKE

That was not a big deal. John was a jerk. You can do better than that.

AMY (to Jake)

Yeah – he actually made you look like a stand-up guy.

JAKE (Ignoring Amy)

Seriously, Liz, I don’t know how you pick these guys. You always settle for crap.

LIZ

I know…

JAKE

At some point, you’re going to have to grow up and meet a guy who isn’t friends with Amy.

AMY

Hey! I’ve introduced her to some great guys!

JAKE

Like who?


AMY

Well, there was that hot biker guy.

LIZ

Who cheated on me with that hot biker chick.

AMY

And what about that temp bartender? What was his name? Nick or Rick or Mick…

JAKE

The one who wore the same Hawaiian shirt for like two weeks?


AMY

Steve! That was it. Steve.

LIZ

Alright, alright – I get it.

AMY

Sorry, Liz. (beat) How about another shot? (Amy pours and they all down a shot)

JAKE

That’s enough for me. I have to be somebody tonight.

LIZ

What’s going on?

JAKE

I have to meet up with Stacey later.

AMY

I thought you and Bikini Barbie were breaking the knot.


JAKE

Well, we were having problems but… we have to talk.

AMY

About lip gloss?

LIZ

Pumps?

JAKE

Oh, come on, not you, too, Liz.

LIZ

She is a little shallow, Jake.

AMY

Like a fishbowl.

LIZ

Besides, tonight’s our night.

JAKE

I promised we’d get together… I made reservations.

LIZ

To give it another shot?

AMY

I think we all deserve another shot.

JAKE

One more, but that’s it! (Amy pours and they each down a shot)

LIZ

Ya know, Jake, if I can do better, so can you.

JAKE

She’s not as bad as you guys make her out to be. She’s just had a rough life.

AMY

It’s not easy being sleazy.

LIZ

So, do you want to give it another chance?

JAKE

I…Well… I guess…

LIZ

What?

JAKE

I’ve been thinking about it…

AMY

My God, he’s been thinking again. Wonders never cease.

JAKE

And, ya know, I’m not getting any younger.

AMY

Or any wiser.

LIZ

So?

JAKE

So… I have to tell her how I feel.

AMY

We should all tell each other how we feel, don’t you think, Liz?

LIZ (ignoring Amy)

And how do you feel?

AMY

Like another shot. (Amy pours herself a shot)

JAKE

Like she’s the one.

AMY and LIZ

What?!

JAKE

She’s… The One.

AMY

She’s half your age.

JAKE

She understands me.

LIZ

She doesn’t appreciate you.

AMY

She never tips me.

JAKE

And she… she wants to marry me.

AMY and LIZ

WHAT?!

JAKE

And I’m going to ask her. Tonight. At dinner.

AMY

Okay, Jake. I’m going to call the nice men with the white coats and have them drive you home.

JAKE

Cut it out, you two. Aren’t you guys ever going to grow up? Seriously – I love Stacey and I’m tired of hearing you rip her to shreds.

LIZ

I’m sorry, Jake. It’s just that I—

AMY

It’s just that she loves you, Jake.

JAKE

Well, I love you too, Liz. We’ve been the best of friends for ten years. But that doesn’t mean you can just keep taking cheap shots at Stacey.

LIZ

I know… I mean…

JAKE

I have to get going. I can’t be late. I’ll give you a call tomorrow and let you know how it went. Than maybe you’ll be ready to tell me your little secret?

LIZ

Yeah… Sure…

JAKE

Wish me luck! (EXIT JAKE)

LIZ

Good luck, Jake.

AMY

Ahhh, well, how about one more shot?

LIZ

No thanks – I think I’ve had enough.

Written at 4:39 p.m.