October 14, 2006
In no way do I consider myself even remotely geriatric in regards to the droves of collegians attending Carroll College with me, but I do feel that something is terribly 'off.' Perhaps it has something to do with the simple fact that most of my fellow students are directly out of High School and I have been out of that Hellish Land for about seven years now...Wait. Seven years?!? That means that I've had my driver's license for ten years, that I've have my motorcycle license and lived in my apartment for five years and that I'll be thirty in four years. WTF?!
Ahhh, the passage of time presses upon me...
Okay, so I'm officially bordering the lines of an 'old fart' returning to college.
The fact crept upon me this afternoon while I was sitting attentively in my Politics class. We were having a debate regarding the recent Texas legislation that would enforce disclosing Middle School children's BMI (Body Mass Index) on their report cards in order to reduce obesity in Americans and whether or not we considered this to be an ethical means of control by the government.
The slightly obese girl to my left who incessantly raises her hand regarding every topic, even when there isn't a topic up for discussion, once again, raised her hand:
"Well, I think, like, we shouldn't be promoting more, like, means of making a child at that age feel, like, bad just because he or she is, like, fat. Yeah, like, 'here, Bobby, you're fat - you, like, fail seventh grade.' What kind of a message is that, like, sending to our kids? Like."
The girl to the left of her had an opinion all her own:
"I, like, don't think that we should be plastering 'YOU'RE FAT' all over the report cards of, like, kids just because they're, like, a little porker. I think, like, if they're going to do this, they should, like, present it to the parents and not the kids. Like, ya know what I mean?"
Yeah, I, like, totally know what you mean.
This is just wrong on so many levels.
I wanted to fling my unopened can of Ginger Ale at one or all of the students who actually opened their mouths and allowed such remarks to exit their flapping lips. I wanted to see how good my right arm was and dispose of my cell phone, Sociology book and zippo for the same purpose, but instead I simply began to doodle the word 'LIKE' in really big letters all over my notebook which distracted me from actually learning something while paying for a course that costs $1,000.
I began to record the number of times the first girl said 'like' in her next discourse. 27 'likes.' 27, folks.
I do not often get so excessively irritated over such frivolous uses of speech, but after two hours of the same juvenile behavior, I was just losing it. I began a debate of my own (in my head, of course) of how ridiculous these people sounded and whether or not it would be useful to suggest a referendum which bans the use of 'like' in the classroom.
I mean, really...
1. It's not as though the government would actually incorporate the words 'your kid is sloppy mass of Cheetoh munching, Mountain Dew guzzling crap - here's your F (which, by the way, means FAT)' on report cards. My thoughts are that they would also, most likely, refrain from using the definitions of 'porker' and 'lard ass,' as well.
2. When one person has proclaimed their point of view and it is exactly the same as the last six other points of view, one does not have to chime in the exact same opinion two minutes later for the rest of the class. This is not a poll, this is a debate. This is not a survey, this is a discussion. Your opinions are not going to show up on the next episode of The Daily Show, people.
3. Could she seriously not realize exactly how much time was wasted incorporating all of those 'likes' into her monologue? She dribbled on for 20 minutes when, if all of those cute, little four letter words were subtracted, we probably wouldn't have had to hear her high pitched, squawking voice for more than 10...
4. This is a political debate, my dears. Please try not sound as though you just stumbled out of Camp Retard. How are you ever going to gain respect by speaking in such a manner!? You won't be able to fight your phone bill, review your taxes or make any kind of solid impact on social issues because anyone who is actually still listening to you will be laughing their asses off at your inane sense of the English language.
5. I just, like, SO needed to get this out. Thanks for, like, playing along, everyone. Like-ity, like, like, like.