Bent Words

Bent Words

December 13, 2005

We set out last night in order to acquire a new digital camera after The Boy�s buddy busted mine on the ice. Bastard. But after we passed a movie theater and realized that we had not yet been out to a movie since we�ve been together, we decided that the cost vs. income ratio would better support the latter idea. Cheap, short lived entertainment vs. a long-term, eventful addition to our little family�

The listings outside declared that we had 15 minutes to find a liquor store before the 8:00 p.m. showing of Harry Potter. Neither of us being too inclined to see this particular movie, it was decided that we needed an additional means our little venture. We raced over to the nearest Jewel Osco, grabbed a flask sized bottle of Captain Morgan and headed back to theater. We arrived with five minutes to spare.

The lady at the front desk asked us, �How many?� and we both turned around expecting more people to be standing behind us. No one was there.

�My three-foot, two-inch best friend doesn�t like her height being pointed out so I think we should get the third ticket for free,� I said looking down at my shoes.

Some nervous laughter ensued, but that was the extent of the humor I provided to our clever little cashier.

After purchasing two tickets, a Pepsi the size of my head and a small popcorn which would surely disappear before the previews were over, we ended up spending more than I would normally dole out on a good pair shoes. Well, more than I would want to dole out on a good pair of shoes.

We noticed only one other schmuck in the theater with us as we tiptoed in during the seventh preview. He was sort of shrunk down in his seat as though being all alone on a Monday night viewing of Harry Potter pinned him as being as pitiful as his demeanor suggested. He didn�t have any popcorn. He didn�t slurp any soda or make any human-like movements or shift in his seat throughout the entire 2 hour and 45 minute epic. He looked like the kind of slinky little guy you read about months later whose basement contains piles of comic books that were probably never read but served as good camouflage for the seventy-two refrigerated fingers and toes he�s collected from various neighborhood victims.

We found a spot located behind the spooky, deceptively innocent hacker boy. I squealed with delight in having found two theater chairs made into one to form a comfortable fitting �Love Seat.� The Boy and I wrapped our arms around each other and giggled and cooed with the excitement of such a phenomenon. I mean, come ON, have you ever heard of a LOVE SEAT in a movie theater!? Too cool.

Hacker Boy remained quite stoic.

We spilled most of the contents of the little flask bottle into our never ending cup o Pepsi and enjoyed the rest of the 13 previews with cacophonous commentary. The popcorn ceased to be after the dancing penguin preview and just before the expansive screen was filled with cautions about smoking and cell phones and �rent this theater for your next get together!� blared across our faces.

The movie was alright. Potter and Grainger and the red-headed wit all grew up, though. Their voices suggested the markings of puberty and their once cute, child-like faces seemed more chiseled and long. Not in a good way. With the baby fat and childish bravery diminished, it was as though the filmmakers decided that all that was left was extreme, BAM BAM BAM, in-yo-face special effects. The main wizard guy seemed too agile, compared to the original wizard with the whiter beard.

The guy with googily eye made us laugh.

But, whatever. We were just content to sit REAL close together and snuggle and shift under the weight of our bladders. It was good. Kinda like a real date. A date with lotsa booze, a creepy lunatic and fire breathing dragons�

And, The Boy didn�t fall asleep. Not even once.

Written at 8:19 p.m.