November 29, 2005
I was always under the impression that *IF* I were to even consider getting married, *I* would be the one to announce it. I mean, it's my life, my Boy and my tropical island elopement, right? The myriad of opinions uttered from the mouths of those who claim to tolerate me should not factor into this (possible) decision which (possibly) resides somewhere deep in my future, right?So why the Flipping Fuck is everyone asking me when I'm going to get married??!
That's IT, people. You're not invited and I probably won't even bother telling you until after it's done. That way, when someone asks, "when are you two kiddos getting married?" I can reply, "last Tuesday."
Then we will party and you will purchase large, expensive gifts based on the nifty list I shall provide so that we might return them all for cash when you mistake the toaster oven we wanted for a stupid, worthless single slice toaster which never actually 'toasts' the bread but rather chars it beyond all edible recognition.
Deal? Good.
This leads me into my next bit of rant-worthy thought...
My Brother, this year, did not exclaim an emphatic "PASS" when asked what he was thankful for at the T-Day extravaganza. Instead, he began a short speech which began something like this:
"Well, I don't know exactly how to say this, but --"
*Insert bellowing turkey burp from greedy 2-year-old niece*
We laughed. He smirked and then he continued.
"Well, Sister, I'm just glad that you finally found a guy who isn't a total fucking head case."
He might have said more after that -- like how thankful he is for the two little tyrants he claims as his children -- but I was rather stuck on the part about me and The Boy (who just sort of sat there, quietly blinking).
Which leads me into my next story...
After my Grandmother's memorial service, we all headed to the nearest bar. It was 1:00 p.m. and, since none of us eat breakfast, we were all fairly crocked. Well, my Uncle D is always crocked and I'm rather certain he started his morning with the usual whiskey tipped cup of Joe, but that's okay (if you don't work or really do anything all damned day like he does, anyway).
So...
This Uncle D of mine, swaggering (despite the fact that he was sitting on a bar stool) and drunk, rolls his large, googly eyes at me and states,
"Ya know, everyone's thinking it and whispering about it behind your back."
"Ahh, whispering about what, D?"
"Oh, come on, you know what I'm talking about."
"Try again."
"Well I'm just going to say it."
"Okay..."
"That man of yours is the best guy you've had yet."
All this while The Boy is standing RIGHT behind me. Blinking. And probably noting exactly how unreserved my family can be.
It's heart warming to know that there are people out there willing to go to great lengths in order to embarrass the crap outta me right when I didn't ask for it.