Bent Words

Bent Words

November 23, 2005

I've been noticing an unusually large amount of Carroll College students hobbling around on crutches lately.

I find it rather disturbing.

Why are so many of them suddenly becoming so crippled? What's happening to them? Are they being beat up? Is there a professor out there who should be reported? Do you suppose Carroll now represents an institution with the largest number of uncoordinated collegians? If so, could I get some sort of unnecessary acclaim in the Guinness book? I wouldn't mind feigning an injury to get my mug plastered within a book of world records. Someone might recognize me and go buy my book.

When I attempted to answer this nagging question by Googling "Top 10 Reasons for Leg Injuries," I was somehow led to an article which listed the "Top 10 Reasons to Be a Cross Dresser." This led me to suppose that cross dressing has something to do with bodily injury... thus I feel some sage advice would be discontinue cross dressing in order to avoid further ankle sprains or shin splints. Just in case.

High heels were not made for men's feet anyway.

Then I thought that perhaps the reason so many students are currently carting sticks under their armpits is somehow due to the change in weather. Anyone still wearing flip flops on a 35 degree windy day runs the risk of frozen toes which might lead to frostbite and in turn could cause the amputation of a few toes or even a whole foot. In this instance, my advice would be to discontinue your use of beach wear and break down to buy a pair of shoes which fully cover your feet. Anyone out there heard of socks?

Although being clumsy, living your life as a cross dresser and inappropriate winter clothing seem to explain the colossal number of Carroll Cripples, I believe that perhaps we are forgetting one very important point:

Finals are nearly upon us and, in lieu of some serious study time, one cannot question the absence of a crippled Chemistry student, now, can they?

Written at 7:38 p.m.