October 26, 2005
The Boy and I stopped at Applebee's the other day for lunch. Since we arrived at exactly mid-day, the place was packed and we resolved to take the last two remaining seats at the bar. While we waited for our meals, I looked over the crowded bar and indulged in my favorite spectator sport of Stupid People Watching. Some of the patrons were businessmen trying to look important with briefcases at their side, some were younger women totally sloshed at noon with giant strawberry dackeries at their finger tips and some were regulars who HAVE been totally sloshed since they born and still somehow knew the bartender by name. Despite this myriad of mid-day munchers, I noticed that nearly all of them had one thing in common; the adherence of cell phones to their occupied ears. The collectively raised voices of ten yammering restaurant customers complaining about a lack of a decent signal is just... the most annoying f'ing thing in the entire world.It's not just an issue at your local Applebee's. Some cell phone fanatics refuse to drop their conversations long enough to simply inform the gas station clerk which pump they used. I say, charge them for their own gas and my own, please. Some leisurely stroll around the boot aisle at Kohl's, mindlessly blocking the size ten Skechers (yes, clown feet) I've been eyeing, merely to continue their insightful banter regarding their latest casserole masterpiece. Still more carry on their dialogue with a cell phone tucked between their head and shoulder while unfolding a Waukesha map, scarfing a greasy gutburger and making a wrong turn onto a one-way street in their new two-MPG Expedition (I suppose, in a way, this is a form of retribution). The cell phone, although admittedly quite beneficial in many ways that I cannot f'ing think of right now, can also be a dangerous instrument (let alone the irritation factor) if you're one of the crazy, Green Bay Packer jacket wearing pedestrian crossing the street.
This "politeness problem" does not revolve singularly around the abuse of cell phones, but it does bring forward a more general issue of the lack of courtesy in the world today (i.e. people are inconsiderate cock-suckers unworthy of utilizing anything with the word 'technology' attached to it). According to a recent article in the Associated Press, "high decibel cell phone conversations...have become the hallmark of a hurry-up world" (Associated Press. The Decline of Manners in the U.S..14 Oct. 2005
Although I was most likely the last person on earth to purchase a cell phone, I must admit that it has come in awfully handy. I am geographically inept and the security of being able to call up a buddy on the spot to help get me all the more lost in downtown FREAKIN' Milwaukee is quite entertaining. The fact that I can call my family long distance for a quarter of the price and bitch at them for not sending me money, keep a countless list of phone numbers at my finger tips that I never use but keep because they add some sort of general 'worth' to my pathetic existence and that I can receive photos of goat balls from hilariously witty co-workers is a great bonus. Yet I also believe in keeping the phone off long enough to successfully maneuver my middle finger to the center of the driver's side window in order to show my appreciation to the bitch who just cut me off because she's glued to her phone, fighting senselessly with her husband who's probably in a hotel with a hooker in New York.
Whatever the reason for the rise in America's rudeness factor; be it technology, a lack of parental guidance or an overabundance of stupid people that have not been properly weeded out, I believe that we could all relieve a little stress within our lives from promoting simple acts of common courtesy. Heartily greet your check-out girl at Target, flash a smile when the world least expects it, be conscious of the public surrounding you -- but don't f'ing yell at me for keying your car because you were too rude to get offa your f'ing phone while I'm trying to eat my $8.00 lunch at Applebee's, asshole.
Remember, Kiddes, kindness kills...