February 05, 2005
The simple, straight forward, single syllable, two letter, negative utterance in response to a request that one cannot fulfill, more popularly known as the itty, bitty word 'no' does not offer the same sort of force that it once used to signify.Although it's definition proclaims a clear and precise 'refusal, denial, disbelief, emphasis and disagreement', it is often taken as a means by which one can commence an act of contemptuous coercing.
"Hey, Laura, wanna go play hopscotch?"
"No."
"Aw, come on! It'll be fun!"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"But--"
"Still no."
So, since when did 'no' become an invitation for insolent badgering? How does one confuse this clear and succinct elucidation with counterclaims of 'please' and 'come on' and 'I'll give ya a dollar,' when the obvious intent was to state 'not at all; not by any degree?' Begging and bribing your friends and family should never even come into play. When I say 'no,' I mean no.
Not maybe.
Not kind of.
And most certainly not, 'eh, go ahead and do whatever despite my lucid request... After all, I was probably just kidding.'
This is especially poignant when one knows the stance of another human being in advance. At no time should it occur to the person to do exactly the opposite of that person's wishes. It simply doesn't make sense and it's just plain disrespectful.
For example:
Most of my friends have jobs. I do not have a job at the present. In knowing this fact, that the majority of my cohorts are eagerly attending to their daytime duties, I do not take it upon myself to call them up and request that they join me for tea and crumpets or help me move my furniture from one end of my living room to the other. I do not inquire as to whether or not they have a few hours to spare in which we might all traipse out to my parentals home on the lake and get in some good ice fishing. I do not drop by their office with a bottle of Tequila and suggest a quick round of bar dice (although this would make for some great afternoon fun). I do not ask them to partake in any of these fine activities as I know in advance that the answer they are going to spew is 'NO.' Perhaps it would be a considerate 'no' or a 'no' of genuine regret, but it is a 'no' all the same.
I suppose the only remedy to this discourteous malady is to incorporate a more obstinate response than merely offering the simplicity of that two letter word. Perhaps it is time, in this day and age, to be more imprudent and tenacious with our negative replies. We should, as a nation, rise up with arms crossed, eyebrows lowered and feet stomping to claim our rights of resounding discord to that impetuous solicitor. The unyielding go-getter should no longer hold such high degrees of power over our disinterest in playful games of hopscotch and afternoon body shots. These tyrants of toil should, once and for all, be swiftly and undisputedly put in their place.
And so I say, with firmness and fortitude, with boldness and bravery, with aggressiveness and audacity,
"Hell no!, Bitch."