December 22, 2004
Here's a *short* list of New Year's Resolutions that I'll actually attempt to keep for 2005...
1) Try not to smoke more than one pack of cigs a day, because quitting altogether is just out of the question. *cough, cough*
2) HEY! How's about finding me-self a JOB to help me cut back (not to mention to support the nasty habit)?
3) Dance to at least 3 songs in row instead of merely 2 at night.
4) Dance before 10:00 p.m. so I can actually realize the delight of repose before 2:00 a.m..
5) Be nicer to my cats by feeding them once in a while.
6) Learn French from the CDs my father gave me.
7) In 25 years, they've not had a single Trick or Treater - there shall be NO MORE acceptance of the 3 bags of leftover candy that my parentals give to me after Halloween. NO MORE.
8) Time to purge this world full of the past. I have over 25 packets of pictures that are strictly of HIM, 3 full notebooks with letters strictly written to HIM and 2 birthday cards HE sent me - all gotta go bye bye. Anyone wishing to help me on this one?? Just bring the steal barrel, I've already got the lighter fluid.
9) Keep my appointments and call back people who leave messages (before 3 days have gone by). I know, I'm terrible with that.
10) Scuba dive.
11) From now on, I'm going to let people gasp when I say I did not see the latest Capitol One commercial, as I do not watch television, instead laughing as though I did.
12) ACE all of my classes at Carroll (not more of this 'B' shit).
13) Travel to at least two more unknown cities (ha HA! All lined up for one already), whether in the U.S. or not.
14) Get my arse down to 'FLA' to visit me Grandma and see if that hottie, Nikko, still works at the Two Georges.
15) Seriously look into purchasing a new or used motorcycle - depending on the sale of the 'ancient one' and resolution number 2.
16) Seriously look into becoming a guitar banging rock star who wears ultra short skirts, lotsa makeup and goes by the name of Cheena.
17) No more giving out my phone number to strange guys I meet at the airport, no matter how much they beg.
18) Change my phone number.
19) Listen to the sappy song 'Let My Love Open the Door to your Heart' a little less.
20) Fix the damned car (again).
21) Seek out my faithful companion Miss Mollie Bear for the pleasure of her company and her infamous back rubs.
22) Keep ONE stupid plant alive for the WHOLE year.
23) Take a walk into that cute little park I discovered recently at least once a week. Unless it's really cold. Or raining. Or hailing. Or I'm sick. Or injured. Or negotiating peace treaties in northern Ireland.
24) Write one damned thing worth reading.
25) Make a picnic on a warm Spring or Fall day with wine, cheese, a good loaf of French bread and Beethoven. In Paris. With my parentals.
26) Ask Mark to teach me how to play pool better so I can become a real shark and play at all of those 'jive' bars where you can put money on the table and blow away the regulars and make enough for a down payment on a new or used motorcycle.
27) Seduce no one.
30) Seduce no one who owns a motorcyle. Wait. Seduce no one who has a motorcycle with them at the point of said seduction.
31) Find millions in my great great uncle's long lost treasure (wouldn't that just be hellafun?!).
32) Join a club or an organization or a cult - but for God's sake, do something extracurricular besides painting your toe nails blue and reciting George Carlin lines all night.
33) Learn how to cook something that does not involve potatoes.
34) Make an earnest attempt at moving to Paris. Or London. Or East Jipippy. Anywhere but H E R E.
35) Seriously consider lesbianism.
36) Light lotsa candles at various junctures about the state of Wisconsin and denounce Willem DeFoe and President Bush.
37) Start a petition that would forever alleviate above characters from any and all appearances in movies, television or general public gatherings.
38) Get a qualified opinion about my mental status.
39) Read five more books in my father's library.
40) DO NOT shove ashes down the air vent of parents' fireplace.
41) Learn more about Stalin and why HE was the only one of four children to survive infancy.
42) Learn more about Hemingway. Preferrably, in Paris. That is, while I'M in Paris.
43) INSIST on mowing my parents lawn in the summer.
44) Steal my mother's other chive plant so I have something to chew on.
45) A little less peanut butter, if you please.
46) Not all bugs have to be saved, Laura. That's why man invented toilets.
47) ONE writing seminar.
48) No more 'bear hugs,' taking in ALL the grocery bags at once or carrying the 22 pound stupid cat around.
49) Floss, everyday, damn it.
50) Be a bit more tactical at your whole pack rat thing.