September 04, 2004
It's simply amazing to me how much can change in a single day - a sweeping moment, a passing minute, a stretched out hour...I found him not in the care and company of my troubled heart, but at the bar with a beer in his hand, watching the minutes pass by. I found him in not in need of overcoming his 'guilt' from last Saturday, making amends to ensure my happiness or worrying about it either way. In my perception, he was forgetting it all to make it 'go away.' He seemed so distant - I felt as though I did not know him.
I know I drank too much and became too emotional. I know I expected something and sought him out incorrectly. I know I forgot myself and I let the aggitation sink beneath my skin. I know the tears that fell were the tears I held back on Thursday. I could not cry in light of my very first class! Yet I should have let them flow...
I merely wanted some recourse and since it was not offered, I sought it out. And since it was not there, I continued my search.