September 04, 2004
I am sorry to have stirred his heart in worry - especially to where he perceived that I might commit an act of foolishness (more foolish than the previous events of the evening...). I should have spared his ear (any ear) my repititious, unrelenting woes and yet I thank him for the verve to which he still replied - begging my soul to cease this harsh and virulent punishment that I so often return to.For the empathy held, I am most grateful and that DOES mean the most in such hazy, trying moments. I only wanted to cry tears of Thursday, I did not expect to have more added to them, but he took them just the same. He took them and ripped them apart, making the morrow an okay place to be. Had I continued on my rant, I would not have found the sleep so necessary for an early start to my second class (which happens to be four hours long). Although I looked horrid the better part of the morning (and still find cause to iterate as much) and felt mostly out of sorts, I was able to get through it without dimmed spirits.
And through the entirety of this day, I have been able to hold my own, master most of my Chapter I Statistics, dance and even smile once or twice. I'm not giving into the effects of such wretched disregard for human kindness today - I'm not owning the heart so replete of guilt for the sake of saving anothers'. I have proved my generosity and understanding and ability to cease fire long enough to relinquish the position of kneeling, begging and forgiving. If I offer a worthy position to someone's life, let them seek me out in equal stature of my virtues - not in desperation or boredom...