June 29, 2004
After driving all of the ATV's inside and pushing the bikes on my own, I ventured boldly down the sidewalk, intent on rewarding myself with a cold beer. Naturally, Shane had already claimed his spot and we sat just outside the warehouse door, upon the crumbling rim of the cement ramp which led into the garage. He told me further of the events which encompassed his weekend and inquired of my own, insisting that I had disclosed the information sparingly. I told him of my ideas to move to Janesville and gave him the numerous reasons why. Just before we were interupted by another's voice, he stated that Oak Creek isn't so very far from Carroll - that he could rent to me a room. I sat in silence, eyes wide and desperate for our present company to leave so we could resume our conversation. And thus entered stage left two more charcters of intrusive nature prepared to elminate our intimate design. We felt no hope but to leave ourselves and as we made our way to the LCP parking lot, Shane declared that I was over him. To protest would have been in vain and so I succumbed to his advanced knowledge of my personal feelings... at least for a little while.In the dark parking lot, stocked only with a beer a piece, we leaned against my safely returned car and spoke of all things great and small. We spoke of his Leukemia and the possibility of a Bone Marrow Transplant. We spoke of the alternatives and the in betweens. He cringed at my reaction upon the disclosure that Picotte had borrowed my car for three days and sighed with relief when I simply laughed. I told him of my jealousy in his departing to BIR and of how much more so I would be when he would be invited to Laguna. I stated that he could just say FUCK IT, for once, and dare to introduce me to the place that only with him would I find true pleasure. Stealing away to a special spot that we would discover - a place perfect for watching the races and perfect for us. I caught my dreamy thoughts in time to subdue their heightened hopes and looked away to think of a different subject - but he grabbed me in the midst of my desperation, held me close to his body so that I could relish in his scent and said he would take me to California. I leaned back so slightly, my eyebrows collapsing in confusion and allowed my thoughts to form before I spoke. How easy it must be to make such hasty decisions after consuming a box full of beer, but he assured me; that he would tell me tomorrow, the next day and the very next. He would decline the juicy job offer just to take me to California. His words spun me in circles, his eyes filled my wonder with certainty and his lips met my brow for a Laura Land special - a 'reassuring forehead kiss.'
Perhaps the uncertainties of the future will be overcome by the promise of just this one day, the day that we are in. Perhaps the blows of the past will be softened by the deeper knowledge tomorrow brings. Perhaps I should be complete with what I do have and be thankful for simply that. Perhaps I should get my sleep deprived ass to bed...